• I want to spank your bare bottom.
  • I want to tie you up.
  • I want to thoroughly inspect and penetrate your tight little bottom hole.
  • I want you to dress up in school uniform, and address me as Sir.
  • I want you to text me at random, and tell me you’ve been a naughty girl.
  • I want to promise you a spanking, and have you think about it all day long.
  • I want you to wear a butt plug when we go out to dinner.
  • I want you to go the ladies, take off your panties, and drop them in my lap.
  • I want to smack your bum pink, and you to thank me afterwards.

I recently wrote a post in response to a lady who wanted to be spanked by her man. It got me thinking – because it isn’t just ladies who can be reluctant to raise the introduction of spanking into a relationship, men have exactly the same problem too.  

Most men are fundamentally nice. That doesn’t mean meek milquetoasts desperate to agree and avoid awkwardness, it just means many blokes have encountered quite enough macho brutes in our lives, and we’ve no desire to come across as one ourselves. We consider ourselves our sweetheart’s protector, not her punisher – even if that thought secretly turns us on…

Emotionally aware men understand relationships require some conciliation, but that’s not what we fantasise about. Yet sometimes it feels easier to keep those desires hidden than reveal our darker secrets, for fear of rocking the boat. We worry about what are partner thinks, and we know we’ll spend far more time with her doing everyday things together than we’ll spend being intimate.

Look at the list that began this post. How does each sentence begin?

“I want…” – not “I’d like…”

Nice men are wary of expressing their wants, it makes us sound like demanding little boys. We’re grown up now, polite and civilised – so we phrase our desires in friendly, conciliatory language. We yearn to say “I want…” but it jars with the mask of niceness we’ve worn for as long as we can remember.

So we get into a routine of vanilla, uncontroversial sex; haunted by the shattering possibility of her horrified rejection of our perverted suggestions, and imagined conversations between her girlfriends afterwards.

“He wanted you to do WHAT???”

Their little group gasped in unison, a chorus of virtuous indignation.

“I know!” she sniffed, “It’s as if I hardly knew him!”

In many respects though, that’s absolutely true – your lover indeed barely knows you. Each of us are massive psychological icebergs, drifting through the turbulent ocean of life, with only the tiniest fraction of ourselves exposed to public scrutiny. And what is seen is carefully curated.

Yet what lies beneath is much more exciting, (I wrote a story about that once).

Jung called our hidden depths The Shadow, but it’s not a dark side, it’s our repository of secrets and thoughts we decide to keep to ourselves. We are
social creatures, and society functions because we have masks to wear
and roles to play.

As we grow up we learn to be discreet, deciding what
side of ourselves to present in public. But that’s ok, our culture might
unravel if everyone was suddenly completely candid with each other,
there’s nothing wrong with keeping certain thoughts and desires private.
 

I think all men will recognise this reticence about revealing our true desires, even if that modesty no longer restrains them. Some will have been bold enough to unmask themselves, in a way that is far more profound than simply removing their clothes. I hope all those who did found their relationships enriched.

If you’re yet to take this leap into the dark, and you want to, begin the conversation.

I chanced upon this terrific video from the wonderful modern philosophers at The School of Life:

Do watch it, and if it resonates with you, you might consider sharing it with your partner. Although the subject matter is profound, its cartoonish presentation should help keep any subsequent discussion light-hearted.

And then, when she asks:

“So, what does a nice man like you not say to a nice woman like me…?”

She is inviting you to be candid.

So tell her.

“I want to spank you. On your bare bottom…”