An anonymous reader asks:

A passage in “Coming of Age” really struck me:

“But I chatted like my
mentor had taught me, with honest curiosity rather than
self-aggrandising bravado, with the respect due to another human being.”

It got me wondering about a humanistic philosophy of sexual dominance.
I’m wondering if you’ve encountered anything I could read on or around
that subject?


Mutual respect is the cornerstone of
sexual dominance, it’s what separates consensual kinky activities from physical abuse. It is something that every good
BDSM player believes in: that those in our care should be developed and
lifted up, not suppressed and exploited. Consent is a precious gift, it should be handled with the reverance it deserves.

Respect for your fellow human beings is fundamental to a healthy sexual identity. Without it, sex becomes just a succession of transient conquests, complex individuals reduced to warm holes to fuck, driven by a immature, selfish desire for orgasmic satisfaction.

But how would you behave towards others if you could never, ever, achieve another orgasm?

There is a name for this philosophy: Asceticism. It involves eschewing sensual pleasures, of prioritising spiritual goals, and resisting desire. It is central to many great religions, including Christianity and Buddhism.

Now I’m not proposing readers swear an oath of celibacy, or adopt the lifestyle of a monk. But denial of sensual pleasures is an important aspect of BDSM play, and not just for submissives. The first stage of taking control over another is to master one’s own desires. Dominants should be mindful, both of their own bodies, as well as those of their partners.

Control of desire earns authority, control of the self leads to enlightenment.

And an enlighted mindful player attains superpowers.

So, dear reader, in answer to your question, I have no particular posts to suggest, because respectful dominance is a lifelong journey, guided by whatever philosophies you choose to follow, or faiths you believe.

Choose to live your life by The Golden Rule, the ethic of reciprocity.

It is an idea as old as civilisation itself.

It is simply…

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