Kinky relationships are misunderstood by many. To an outsider, it might seem like the
power lies with the Dom – they after all give the orders and expect to be obeyed. They appear to be active, the ones who spank, fondle, inspect and fuck, whilst their submissive partner appears to be passive, merely a canvas for their controlling artist to draw upon.
But this is a serious misunderstanding. The closer you get the more apparent the real truth becomes.
Because the true power really lies with the Sub, because it is their desires that initiate any scene, and only their continuing consent sustains it. It’s the Dom who is bending to the
desires of their partner, and which they’re happy to satisfy.
Yet if a stranger was to suddenly grab you by the wrist, drag your forcefully over their knee and wrestle down your clothes before spanking you hard. That would not only be creepy, but blatantly illegal too.
Consent is giving permission to be erotically surprised.
When a Sub tells their partner they want to be spanked, exciting possibilities are suddenly unlocked. It gives your partner authority, leeway to start improvising, to decide how you will be punished – and pleasured.
The Dom might be the Director of the scene, but the Sub is the Producer: the one who initiates it, who sets the limits, and who can call a halt to the production if it ever veers too off-course.
A Sub is only pretending to give up power, because in reality they are the one at the centre of the scene, the one having their desires attended to. Just because they’re experiencing pain, doesn’t mean they’re not being worshipped.
You’ll see this theme in several of the stories here. At one extreme is the story Control which is a good example of so-called “Topping from the Bottom”, but there are also subtler examples like Christmas Present, Daydreaming and The Sit-Down Dance, where the instigation of spankings is more of a gentle nudge.
What unites these stories is that the submissive protagonists are not involuntary or passive participants, but actively engaged in the pursuit of desires they seek.
The most common message I receive from readers is: how do I get someone to spank me?
My advice is always the same.
The best dominant partners have a strong moral compass. They do not push their own desires on others. It’s not shyness, it’s basic politeness, they wait to be invited inside.
Your consent is the key that unlocks the door. Your consent suspends reality and makes possible a transient fantasy world. Your consent enables your fantasies.
Your consent will get your bottom spanked.