Breakups are, alas, an unavoidable fact of life.

They can be more painful than the very worst flogging, and result in feelings of loss that are akin to grieving. We are social animals, and we feel the loss of companionship acutely. 

Yet without breakups, we would never develop as individuals. We’d pair up with the very first person who was vaguely compatible with us, and we’d stay together until the bitter end.

But that’s to ignore the fact that people change, circumstances change, and preferences change. The forces of attraction that bring two people together, overcoming our natural individualism and suspicion of others, do not last forever. That is basic neurochemistry. You can not change this.

Although viscerally painful now, time will heal, and you’ll come to realise the break is a gift. A liberation. A chance to encounter wonderful new people. And enter new, more fulfilling relationships, with the benefit of the wisdom and  emotional maturity setbacks bring.

Time, not porn, is the salve you need. Porn is simply a dopamine hit, a distraction. Like all mood-enhancing drugs it will mask the pain, but not remedy the cause of your hurt.

The cure is understanding. To mentally reframe the breakup as an opportunity. To embrace your own individuality and give yourself permission to explore wonderful new possibilities.

And outside, there are a billion souls waiting patiently to meet you. And out there, extraordinary new adventures await…