Anatomy, gender, dominance and sexuality are completely orthogonal things – one does not imply anything about the other, unless you want it to.

Everyone gets to decide how these sexual concepts are related, this this their sexual preference. The open-minded will be comfortable with a diverse range of connections between these concepts. Those who are sexually conservative have a very narrow view of what’s permissible. What a pity.

My previous post generated some interesting messages, so I thought I’d expand on the concept. It’s clear that when it comes to sex, many get very anxious indeed about what’s ‘right’ and ‘normal’. Which is why some folks’ sex lives are driven by a need for validation, a need for conformity, rather than what actually turns them on.

Because if your notions of sexuality are rigid, any experimentation might be considered perverse or shameful, unfeminine or emasculating.

To me though, different sexual preferences and identities are just costumes. This is why I’m able to compose erotic fiction and most never attempt it. It’s what enables me to flit into the minds of the characters I create so easily. And why many who read my stories are still convinced I’m actually a woman.

Remember, there’s no ideal. No universal sexual preference. If you’re pansexual,and  happy to try anything with anyone, that’s lovely, and I wish you a lovely time. Personally, I’m not. I do have my own preferences, just as others have theirs. 

Perversion isn’t a sexual preference beyond your own preferences. Perversion is overstepping the consensual boundaries of others.

Consider an example of what a simple change of perspective might bring.

What if a woman was to use her phallic dildo ‘the wrong way around’ – with the base between her legs, so it juts out proudly, just as if she had an erection?

Perhaps the base will permit the phallus to be slipped inside her slit, or she’ll keep it in place by squeezing her thighs together. Now she can stroke her new penis just like men do, transferring her juices to its shaft, making it slick and slippery. How many women ever play with their dildos like that? As a way of changing their sexual identity, rather than just a means of physical stimulation.

What might happen, as she grinds herself against the shaft, or feels its base push deeper inside her, if all kinds of transgressive fantasies begin to fill her mind?

Like, what do men fantasise about? Perhaps she’s imagining herself in the mind of her first boyfriend, as he imagines all the things he wanted to do to her. Such a naughty boy, wanking in bed each night, longing to plunge this big stiff cock into her tight little slit.

Isn’t that interesting. Now, instead of using her dildo to fill herself, she’s magically switched perspectives, so now she’s imagining herself being filled. She can see herself as others might see her, as an object of sexual desire.

Perhaps she might go further, and imagine what it would be like to actually do the fucking. What it would have been like if she’d told him to bend over, and lubricated his bottom hole with her juices. What it would be like to stand behind him, her hardness throbbing between his firm cheeks, before pushing her own phallus into his tight little hole.

Anatomy, gender, dominance and sexuality. Just a minor change of perspective on one, and suddenly, everything can become fluid. And new possibilities suddenly open.

Not everything needs to change, of course, it might only be a subtle shift. A submissive woman with her dildo between her legs can still be spanked like a naughty boy. Perhaps ‘he’ got an erection in class, and now ‘he’ must be inspected and punished just like any other naughty boy, stiff penis and bottom hole examined before and after a good hard whacking. Perhaps the disciplinarian will be merciful afterwards, sliding a finger into ‘his’ spanked bottom, and reaching round to work ‘his’ shaft until ‘he’ comes.

If you own a vulva and a dildo, why not try this experiment for yourself. Pull down your panties, and place the dildo against your mound, like you had an erection. How does that change your sexual expectations? If you lie back, with the dildo held between your thighs, how does that affect what you fantasise about?

There is no wrong way. Only a thousand new possibilities to play, waiting for your mind to venture further.

Some readers might recognise this idea, it’s the theme of my story Grimoire:

Every night I take my precious book from its little metal haven. I lie back on my bed, turning to a random page, and read some centuries-old words under my breath like a magic incantation. Then I close my eyes, and I am transported.

You would never believe the wonders I have seen. My feeble descriptions do them pathetically little justice.

My grimoire is not just the scribbled memories of long-ago spankings, it is a portal into the minds of ancient witnesses. Through it I have shared the thoughts of hundreds of men and women, boys and girls. I have seen every flavour of cruelty and compassion, power and authority, dominance and submission. I have explored every aspect of eroticism and sexuality, from the coy to the explicit, from the mediocre to the sublime.

Through it, I know what it’s like to be a man, how it feels to secretly stiffen as you spank a beautiful arse, how it feels to see her folds winking back between her kicking legs, and the frustration of knowing you can not have her. Through it I have experienced the glorious sensation of reaching between hot spanked cheeks to find her soaking wet, the delight of being absolutely rigid, and the epiphany of slipping inside her slick tight hole.

Through it, I have given and received the tender love of women.

I have loved a man through the eyes of a man.

I have been unsure of my gender and loved regardless.

I have experienced pleasure in outrageously decadent balls, parties and orgies.

I have lost and taken others’ innocence.

I have disciplined out of love and out of anger.

I have spanked to punish and spanked to pleasure.

I have explored the erotic ingenuities of tying up.

I have induced unexpected climaxes in girls and boys with skilful whackings.

I have bared the bottoms of princes and princesses.

I have scolded and seduced in a dozen different tongues.

And I have played all manner of secret games.

If only I could copy my little magic book of spanking, and show humanity its sexuality as others have seen it.

Doesn’t that sound like a idea worth encouraging?