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Spanking Theatre

Spanking stories for the theatre between your ears

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friendship

Hi, just wondered (if you’re happy to share) how you met your spanking partners? Online and in real life? I’m keen to have some spanking fun in real life, but don’t think Fetlife is my scene. I’ve had online partners which have been great, and some not so great and therefore often worry about boundaries and developing full trust etc.

All the kinky relationships I’ve ever had have developed naturally. We began talking, and we learned about each others’ interests and personalities.

The relationships that developed further all had some kind of spark, a sense you were talking to a kindred spirit who wanted to get to know you.

Fundamentally, I was developing a friendship first.

When I was young and foolish I considered partners to be like a scarce and immensely valuable prize, who had to be somehow won over.

As I grew up, and became a bit wiser, I realised that mindset was wrong, and worse, it wasn’t leading to fulfilling relationships.

I stopped chasing people. I aimed for a new outcome – to make friends, by being approachable, respectful, and engaging to talk to. Sometimes friends develop into so much more. But even if they didn’t, I know my life is immeasurably enriched by knowing them.

So my starting advice is, begin conversations.

I recommend maintaining your anonymity for as long as makes sense. so you can’t be harassed or blackmailed should things turn sour.

Some people may cross boundaries and make you uncomfortable. If so, tell them that. If their pursuit creeps you out, cut the thread. You can block them if they’re getting too weird.

Trust does take a long time to build. Because what you’re actually learning about is a stranger’s motivations. Are they motivated by lust? Or narcissism? Or attention seeking? Or a desire to express their authority? And is that motivation acceptable to you?

Developing trust is difficult because you can’t assess it directly. You can’t just ask one day: “can I trust you?”

You’ll both need to do something that seems quite intimidating:  drop your own masks, and allow each other to see behind it. Through this blog, thousands of complete strangers have come to know the details of my fantasies, and what I believe about not just sex, but life in general. In the course of your conversations with a potential partner, you’ll do the same too.

As your initial question suggests, some people are too keen to skip the trust-building part. That is itself a red flag. It comes across as creepy, even if both of you really like spanking, and think about it all the time. Cutting corners increases the risk you don’t really understand who you’re talking to, and that can have bad outcomes later.

So, to summarise, this is my advice for meeting play partners – which is equally applicable to meeting people online, and for getting to know others you might encounter in real life. This applies whatever your sexual preference, whether you’re a top or a bottom, or anywhere in between.

  • Begin conversations, without expectations.
  • Make friendly conversation.
  • Continue the fun conversations and cut the creepy ones.
  • Develop trust.
  • See what happens.
  • Who knows?

You keep mentioning these amazing, confident, smart women that you play with. Where do you find them?

Try not to think of play partners as some kind of treasure to be found. Or even worse, some treasure to be won.

Instead think of how one might go about finding any new friend.

By being approachable, respectful, and engaging to talk to.

But you also need to do something that seems quite intimidating: you need to drop your own mask, and allow others to see behind it. Through this blog, thousands of complete strangers have come to know the details of my fantasies, and what I believe about not just sex, but life in general.

When you’re that candid, sometimes you don’t need to go find kindred spirits. Because they will find you.

Sorry if this has been asked before, but what do you look for in a spanking partner? Is an interest in spanking usually enough for playing compatibility? Thanks.

What I consider most important in prospective play partners is – would we make good friends?

Many of those I discipline I’ve known for years. Spanking is a very intimate activity. I spank partners because I know they find it enjoyable, because they yearn for it, and the satisfaction they feel from being properly and strictly disciplined is what satisfies me. I wouldn’t obtain the same fulfilment from just inflicting sore bottoms on strangers.

Making friends takes time, it means appreciating others as human beings, rather than naked bodies. It means taking time to understand why spanking turns them on, what unique fantasies they imagine, and how your two imaginations can come together to create something wonderful.

Kinky play is no different from any other play.

It’s best enjoyed with the very best of friends.

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