Spanking Theatre

Spanking stories for the theatre between your ears


naughty games for two

Due to social distancing, my partner and I have been playing a lot over the phone and FaceTime. He often instructs me to spank myself, which I am usually very comfortable with, but since he isn’t around in person right now I’ve become very self conscious about how loud the smacking sound my bottom makes when I hit it is. Is this a stupid concern? I’m very curvy so I suppose I’m wondering if every smack is equally loud on everyone?

I applaud your choice on social distancing, the ongoing epidemic is still a threat, and you’re behaving very responsibly.

I replied to a question last month about how to make spankings quieter, even if you’re in a shared household.

But self-spankings don’t need to be noisy sessions filled with hard whackings, they can also be wonderful opportunities to play in new and original ways, like jointly watching a spanking video together and timing the smacks at just the right moments.

The Guide to Self-Spanking has lots of ideas couples can adapt and play, even when geographically separated. Spanking play doesn’t need to be about striking hard, but the fun you have in your little secret shared kinky world…

Naughty Games for Two #3: Envelopes

This game is inspired by my post on sexual spontaneity.  

And the secret to sexual spontaneity is… careful planning.

There’s a pernicious myth about sex. That it “just happens”. That everyone’s up for sex, all the time. That new and exciting bedroom activities are improvised on the spot, forged from the white hot furnace of our mutual sexual excitement. None of these is really true.

So this game will encourage you both to try new activities, and introduce your desires in a non-judgemental way, to explore each other’s boundaries and build your sexual confidence. But like all good games, this also includes the delicious spice of unpredictability and randomness.

How to Play

Begin by giving yourself and your partner five envelopes and five pieces of paper each.

Go into separate rooms so you can’t see what each other are writing, and on each of your pieces of paper, write something you would like to do to your partner, or have them do to you.

Be specific, and don’t be greedy (i.e. you may wish for a wake-up blowjob, but not a whole week of wake-up blowjobs). If you ask for too much, your partner is perfectly entitled to edit it later.

When you’re finished, fold each piece of paper over, so what’s been written isn’t immediately visible, and swap your five with those of your partner. Don’t read what they’ve written until you’re alone in separate rooms again.

Once alone, you can open each page and see what your partner would like to do. Being apart means your partner doesn’t see your reaction, giving you the freedom to decide whether that’s something you’d like to do too.

Once you’ve read what they’ve written, you may edit it. If you’re not keen on your partner’s idea, cross it out and offer an alternative. For instance, if they suggest sex in public, you might modify that to something you’re currently comfortable doing, like wearing a butt plug in public.

If the wish irredeemably outrageous, just cross it out and write “kiss me” instead. This is important, their desires are subject to your consent, especially if it’s something you haven’t tried together before.

Or, if it doesn’t go as far as you’d like, you’re welcome to spice their suggestion up a bit. 

Once you’ve edited your partner’s desires, put each piece of paper into an envelope, and seal it. Write today’s date on it so you’ll recognise it later, you should be able to recognise your own handwriting, so you don’t accidentally open it if you stumble upon it in a few months time.

When you’ve sealed all five envelopes, keep them somewhere safe until you’ll alone, and then hide each one somewhere in your home.

The objective of the game is simple: to find the envelopes your partner has hidden.

If you find one of the envelopes, you can open it. It will contain one of the fantasies you wrote.

You don’t need to play it right away, of course, you can keep it, and decide when to reveal your prize and play out that fantasy. You might need to make some preparations, after all. If what you’d written was being caned over the kitchen table, you might need to get a cane, dress or undress appropriately, and be bending over the kitchen table when your partner gets home, the opened envelope between your cheeks.

The game has a strategic aspect too. If you make your envelopes too easy to find, your partner is likely to find them before you find yours, and so they’ll get to play their fantasies first. Perhaps you’d like that. Or perhaps you’ll make their envelopes difficult to find, so your partner is kept yearning for what they really want.

You might hide them where you think they’d rarely look, in a storage box of clutter, or that packet in the cupboard that’s been untouched for years. Or you might leave them tantalisingly near, underneath the bed where they sleep, or the chair that they sit on.

Every week, you can agree to issue more wishes. Give yourselves another 1, 3 or 5 pages and envelopes, swap and hide each other’s again. The more you hide, the greater the chances of stumbling across one. The date you’ve written on the front of the envelope will let you know how long it’s been hidden.

There’s no reason to stop hiding envelopes, it’s a game that can continue as long as your imagination glows and your desire sizzles. Continuing inspiration might come from a scene in a story you’ve read, or an erotic picture or video you’ve seen. All you need to do is write the web address of the inspiration on your piece of paper, and then improvise a re-enactment…

Variation: Hidden Secrets

Instead of wishes, write an erotic secret or fantasy, but then don’t swap the envelopes, so each partner hides what they’ve written themselves. How easy will you make it? Do you want your fantasies discovered, or does it arouse you to think that somewhere in your home your most intimate secrets lie hidden?

Have fun…

I see my FWB on Tuesday to get my birthday spanking… I was wondering if you would give me instructions to give to him for an additional birthday gift from you. (I’m turning 23 by the way).

Send him your favourite spanking story.

Tell him to put you over his knee, and then read you the story out loud.

Tell him to rehearse what he’s going to do. So he knows how the story develops, what voices to use for its characters and how to conjure its drama. And, most importantly, so he’ll know the moments in the story when he’ll spank your bare bottom.

Perhaps you’ll choose a story that gives him the opportunity to stroke languidly between your legs as he slowly reads out each evocative sentence. Or maybe the story might demand he spreads your cheeks wide to conduct a very thorough inspection.

Tell him his imagination is his gift, that his performance will be a unique birthday present. That the wetter he makes you, the more eager you’ll be to properly thank him.

Happy birthday, dear reader.

Awhile ago I said I had been playing the “The Hour” game with my girlfriend. I won. I have won every time we played it. It’s a wonderful game. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for her if she ever does win. (She’s a little new to all this)

The Hour game is indeed excellent fun, I’d highly recommend it to couples, especially those with a bit of extra free time during the coming holidays.

As for a treat if she wins, why don’t you give her a thorough inspection, and examine her thoroughly until she’s soaking wet?

And then read her a bedtime story, a spanking story, of course. Let her play with herself as she looses herself in your words. You might want to put her over your knee though, when the story requires some sound effects.

And then, when you’ve finished, I’m sure she’ll be craving a happy ending of your own invention…

Have fun!


So, I’ve been playing a lot of strat games with my friends as of late. Settlers of Catan and the like. More recently, during a particularly difficult Games of Thrones game, my mind wandered. 

What if there was a BDSM themed strategy game?

The board is a willing participant. The players are… whoever the Board feels comfortable with. The rules are as such:

There is a deck of cards that contain Items and Boost cards. Items are your average plethora of sex toys – dildos of various sizes, vibrators, rope, etc… Anything that you have in your possession and that Board is ok with. Plus a few Wildcard Item cards that allow you to walk away, wander around the house and come back with a single item you want to use. (Say, a cucumber. Put a condom on that thing.)

There’s Seconds time coins. You can just use regular coins, like nickels. Each is worth 5 seconds of action. You can acquire these in various ways.

You have a die. 

To start, the Board lays down on the table. Or on the ground. Whatever. The players can decide the position. Then the players roll the die to decide going order. The first person can pick any single neutral spot on the Board. You cannot start on the genitals, the asshole, the nipples or the mouth. Once a place has been picked, another person cannot start within two hand’s widths of that spot. They must pick a starting point elsewhere. You can mark movement progress with markers. 

Now we begin. Every player starts with 60 seconds of playing time. You roll a die – any even number allows you to draw a card from the deck. Any odd number allows you to use your hands in lieu of item cards in that turn. 

Once you have rolled, you can progress one inch in any direction from the starting point. You can also use an item card, and donate the amount of seconds you’re going to use that item. For example, you roll a 4. You can pick a card out of the deck. It’s a Leather Crop card! You move towards the nipple and then play the Crop card and donate 10 seconds. Within those ten seconds, you can use the Crop anywhere within 1 inch of where your marker lines are. After you are done, you must discard the Crop Card. You can also choose to hold on to the card instead of using it and wait until you’re in a better spot to use it. 

Then the next person moves.

The goal of the game is, of course, to make the Board victim orgasm during your turn. 




Suggested deck:

Item Cards:

Bullet Vibrators (up to 4 cards max)

Long vibrator (2 cards max)

Small dildo, medium dildo, big dildo

Anal beads



Rope (Automatic sticky item)

Ball gag (Automatic Sticky Item)

Clothes pin/nipple clamps (Automatic Sticky Item)

~Basically anything, use your imagination!~

4 Wild Item cards (you may choose an extra item from whereever you want to put into play. It becomes a part of the came from then on. Even after the Wild Item Card is discarded, it remains attached to the item you chose.)

Event/Boost cards:

“You get an extra 30 seconds! Add this time to your pile.” (2 cards max)

“You get an extra 15 seconds! Add this time to your pile.” (4 cards max)

“You get an extra 5 seconds! Add this time to your pile.” (6 cards max)

“Switch spots! For a turn, you can choose to act from another player’s territory. You’re still limited to using your own items.” (3 cards)

“Sticky Item! For up to 5 turns, you may keep the toy on the board/in play instead of discarding it. For dildos, this means keeping it inside. For crops, this means keeping it in your hand and being able to use it on five more turns.” (About 5 of these cards should be in the deck.)

“Power outage! Turn off any vibrators that are currently on.”

“Denial! You may remove another player’s Sticky Item from the Board. The player must discard that item card. If no items are in play, this card does nothing.“ 

This wonderful idea might appeal to those who’ve enjoyed my naughty games series, and who might be looking for ways to play that involve light flogging on areas across the body, and orgasm denial.

Here’s my suggested tweak of the rules: if you’re not into group sex play, you could play with a partner, and take turns in being the board. The winner is the first to make their partner come, so when it’s your turn to be the board, you’ll be doing your very best to resist the temptation to succumb to your partner’s stimulations…

The prize is a good hard spanking. And the winner gets to decide who receives it.

An enjoyable game in prospect, don’t you think?

Naughty Games for Two #2: Grand Tour

This game is inspired not only by my poem Ten, but also the story Treasure Hunt. Both involving moving around the home, and spanking and playing in different locations. This game is a unique erotic Grand Tour of your own home.

This is also a game of variety; interspersing spankings with pleasurings – along with the changes of location, introduces breaks that help give the bottom time to recover. As a result, they’ll be able to tolerate a much longer spanking than if it was delivered in one continuous whacking.

Another great feature of this game is that the top will plan what happens in advance, allowing play to flow more naturally, escalating towards the climax without halting to think – what shall we do next? Though what unfolds will be an enjoyable surprise to the bottom.

How to Play

First, collect together all your toys and your spanking implements.

The bottom is sent to stand in the corner, whilst the top sits down with a blank piece of paper. On the page, create 3 columns: one for Place, one for Spanking Implement, and one for Pleasuring.

The top then starts filling in each row. First, by picking a place (usually a room in the home, or for those with private gardens, maybe somewhere outside).

Next, the top chooses a spanking implement, (remember, one of those can be their own hand). The same implement can be chosen more than once if you don’t have enough items to select a different one each time.

Finally, the top chooses a pleasuring. It can be experienced by either partner or both together. Make it something short and sweet, some ideas are:

  • A minute licking her slit or sucking his cock.
  • A minute of masturbation.
  • A minute on a dildo or a vibe.
  • A minute caressing or inspecting.
  • A minute fucking, vaginally or anally.

When the top chooses the activities, they should do so in a way that escalates their intensity. So the game begins with modest spankings and light pleasurings, and as the game reaches its finale, the bottom is sore, and both partners are on the edge of coming.

A sample row of the list might look something like this:

Kitchen — Wooden spatula — Ribbed pink dildo

Yes, kind of like Cluedo, but with spankings and sex toys.

The top should aim for a list with about 10 entries, depending on the number of suitable locations in your home.

When the top finishes the list, they should take the spanking implement and any toys required to each corresponding location. If a toy or implement is being used more than one, just put it in the first location, and then when you both reach the second location, the bottom can be sent back to the original room to obediently collect the items required.

Optional idea – when the top places items in a room, why not hide them as in Treasure Hunt? Then, when you both arrive in that location later on, tell the bottom what to look for, and start a 3 minute timer. If they find the implement, perhaps they’ll get a minute of spanking with it – but if they fail to find it, perhaps they’ll get double. Likewise, finding a hidden sex toy might win them double time with it. Perhaps failing to find it means it doesn’t get used at all…

When the items have been placed, you’re ready to begin playing. Summon the bottom from the corner, and go to the first location on the list, escorting them by the hand, ear, hair or an erogenous area of your choice.

Once at the location, the top announces the spanking implement (and starts the timer if it’s been hidden). When it’s time for the spanking itself, the bottom is put into the top’s favoured position and has their panties pulled down (if they’re not already naked). And a minute or two of spanking of administered.

Once spanked, the top announces the chosen act of pleasuring. If the original choice was an item that was hidden and not found, the top can be pleasured for a while instead. Neither partner should come until the final location, if they do, they should suffer a forfeit.

When the pleasuring ends, it’s time to move onto the next location. Repeat the same process, but this time using different items.

Continue until the last location, and then, after the final spanking, perhaps one or both partners will be allowed to come.

And then once you’ve finished playing, do keep the list. Next time you play, you might want to use it. You could even build up a quickstart collection of lists, and pick one at random each time you play…

Variation – The Solo Tour

Although this game does work best for couples. This game can also be played alone – by writing out the list yourself, and then imagining yourself being led around the house by your fantasy disciplinarian.

Even better, if you have a remote partner, tell them the rooms, spanking implements and toys you have, and ask them to create a list for you.

If you like a very sore bottom, spank yourself for one minute in each location. If you’re new to self-spanking or prefer lighter spankings, make it 30 seconds. Afterwards, you may masturbate for up to a minute. When playing, always stop if you get close to the edge, so you’re ready to climax in the final location.



So, who will you play with? Perhaps you should tag them with this post…

Naughty Games for Two #1: The Hour

Most of the naughty games I’ve posted so far have been for a single player, but we’re social animals, and it’s even better to play with someone else, even if they’re far away. This game combines the anticipation of waiting, with the jeopardy of an uncertain outcome. Share with someone special, and enjoy…

How To Play

These instructions assume one player is the bottom, who will be spanked, and another is the top, who will be supervising or performing the spanking.

The game begins at a time of the bottom’s choosing, who dresses up for the occasion. They might put on a school uniform, or similar roleplay outfit. Or they might choose something sexier and more revealing.

Perhaps the bottom will gamble when they get dressed, leaving their tie
undone, or wearing sexy knickers instead of plain panties, or even
wearing nothing underneath a skirt at all. They might get away with it,
but if they do get caught, they know their spanking will be even longer
and harder.

Once dressed up, the bottom should take a picture of themselves and send it to the top. Perhaps they’ll include a teasing or provocative message to their playmate. The clock starts ticking whenever they hit the send button.

And then the bottom waits.

The top has exactly one hour to reply. If they do manage to reply before the deadline, the bottom can expect to be thoroughly inspected and be thoroughly spanked until they are pink and sore…

But it’s equally possible that the top might also be busy, and not able to reply. Particularly if the bottom has been cunning, and cleverly timed their message to coincide with a period when they know the top is occupied.

If the top doesn’t reply within one hour, the bottom escapes a spanking and gets to play with themselves as soon as the hour is up. Having been anticipating a smacked bottom for an hour, the bottom is likely to be highly aroused, and will have no difficulty in coming hard, imagining the spanking and inspection they so narrowly missed.

The delight of this game is that as the clock ticks towards the deadline, the bottom gets to enjoy the nerve-tingling anxiety of never quite knowing if they’ll be spanked or not. It will feel like sitting in the detention room, glancing at the clock, uncertain whether the headmaster would be turning up to administer your punishment.

The bottom can decide how they’ll spend their time waiting. Perhaps they’ll read, or  watching some distraction. Or perhaps they’ll just imagine their fate, fingers straying. But no climaxing until the full hour is up.

As each minute passes, the bottom will feel the jeopardy building. Knowing at any moment their phone might chirp, and it might be because it’s a message from their playmate.

If the top does reply, and is nearby, they can inspect and spank the bottom when they get home. If the top is distant, the bottom can spank themselves at the top’s direction and send the results.

And that is the joy of The Hour Game. When the bottom gets dressed, they’ll experience the delicious trepidation of never quite knowing what will happen in the next 60 minutes. Will they get an orgasm or a well-smacked bottom? How will this particular episode end?

After all, what fun is a game if you always know its outcome?

Have fun, and a very enjoyable Christmas!

Seasonal Suggestion: In the spirit of Christmas Present, perhaps you should share this post with the person you’d most like to spank you. You could even print it out, put it in an envelope, and hide it under the Christmas Tree…

Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑