Search

Spanking Theatre

Spanking stories for the theatre between your ears

Tag

psychology

Do you have any advice for someone who has been interested in spanking (being spanked) for a long time, but has always been too nervous to discuss it with partners? Any advice as well for someone who is in this position, but tends to have a more dominant personality in everyday life and has a hard time getting into a more submissive mindset despite wanting to? Love your page and all your stories!

This is such a common dilemma, I’m going to have to write a longer post on the subject soon.

But fundamentally, the challenge comes down to a single concept of profound psychological significance:

Intimacy is an act of immense vulnerability.

Intimacy is a bargain – we trade off the prospect of pleasure for the risk of  psychological or emotional hurt. If we decide we’d prefer not to experience that kind of discomfort, we play safe. 

I strongly recommend reading What Nice Men Don’t Say To Nice Women, a short essay on vulnerability written from the top’s perspective, but it equally well applies to those who’d like to be submissive.

It is telling that in your original question, you mention the mask you wear every day. Each of us are psychological icebergs, drifting through the turbulent ocean of life, with only the tiniest fraction of ourselves exposed to public scrutiny. And what is seen is carefully curated.

We men have many talents, but mind-reading is not one of them. That’s why the submissive young woman who says she’s been naughty and deserves a spanking is such a hot male fantasy. It is explicit permission to proceed – for your lover to transition from being your protector to your punisher.

Many do not find this easy, especially those who’ve spent a lifetime wearing a different mask.

My advice for those who find vulnerability difficult is to start opening up anonymously.

Anonymous social media provides a channel for you to message those you trust, and to start discussing what you desire. Openness breeds sexual confidence, a vital prerequisite before you’re ready to be vulnerable.

If you have a partner, ensure that you say the word spank in every encounter. No need to make a big deal of it. Normalise it.

It could be as simple as a gasped “spank me!” during sex. 

Or as provocative as “I touched myself thinking about you today. Was that naughty of me? Does that deserve a good spanking?”

Whatever you’re comfortable with.

If you desire spanking, begin to embrace it. Begin to uncover it.

Dare to be vulnerable again. 

An excellent article by the wise minds of the School of Life, explaining the psychological reasons why pain is not always punishment, and pleasure is not always a reward…

Are You a Masochist?

The Alchemy of Anxiety

An anonymous reader writes:

This may be a bit odd, but I’m writing out of hope to gain some courage.

I’m in the midst of writing my physics dissertation and I’ve never cared so much about any work in my life. Doing the work taught me many things about my own capacity for intellectual heartbreak and triumph in equal measure. I am… proud of the work that I’ve done, yet deeply insecure about it, and perhaps above all, mortified by the thought of submitting it to the red ink of my advisor.


He’s been largely in the background for most of this process, but over all kind and patient, if blunt. Until very recently I didn’t understand that I could be so passionate about my work, and I’ll admit that I at first confused my own newfound perfectionism with a desire to please an intimidating authority figure—or at least avoid another serious talking to like the one he gave me early on in my work.

I introspected a lot about my authority issues (many), and tried to consider as objectively as possible that he might have a point, and decided to swallow my pride and keep trying. I am now glad that I did, I think. But I’m also apprehensive. I trust that he has my best interests in mind and doesn’t think badly of me, but I am deeply sensitive to criticism. And I know that criticism is both inevitable and, if given in good faith, vital for growth.


You may be wondering why I’m writing this to a spanking blog, although I wouldn’t be surprised if you understood completely: from reading your stories, I know that you’re deeply aware of the eroticism that may be found in the relationship between teacher and student, as well as in the learning process itself. It’s the lustful part of my brain, disconnected from reality, that wonders breathlessly what submitting to a different sort of humbling experience would be like: one experienced naked, across his lap.


I am eroticising a difficult experience to cope with it; the fantasy of accepting physical discipline from someone I respect and find attractive turns me on, while knowing that I must open myself up to criticism of my work terrifies me. Even so, I have now done a difficult thing by offering you my writing, my obvious kink for authority, and the knowledge that I’m a very naughty girl indeed, to be touching myself to the thought of a sound spanking from my mentor. Perhaps now, it may be easier to do the most difficult thing…


Thank you dear reader, for putting into words something that I expect many other readers of this blog will have felt themselves. It is common to eroticise difficult, awkward and embarrassing situations.

And this reveals a deeper truth:

Anxiety and fear are two separate emotions.

Some might think they’re the same, that anxiety is just a milder form of fear, but they’re not.

Anxiety originates from desire.

Fear originates from danger.

People eroticise situations that might otherwise be socially or physically painful. That’s why the most common sexual fantasies feature authority, punishment, nudity and humiliation. By fantasising about shame, we can take control it, like lightning in a bottle – and channel that powerful psychological energy into our minds’ pleasure centres instead. Safely, in the privacy of the bedroom.

If fear had the same psychological basis, the most common sexual fantasies would involve heights, snakes and creepy-crawlies. But they don’t. Fear is a primal response, a self-protection mechanism that’s billions of years old. It exists to keep us safe, from perils that could be lethal.

But anxieties arise from our wants: our desire to be liked, to be accepted, to be pretty, to be successful. All factors that might lead to us being considered socially and sexually attractive.

Those who consider authority figures erotic often fantasise about impressing them. They crave their attention, they want to be told they’re the cleverest, the most brilliant, or best-behaved.

That’s probably why the schoolgirl scenario is so popular, a chance to replay and eroticise your own memories. To imagine what it would be like if that teacher you had a crush on really was as strict as they were in your dreams. Your aversion to failure demands that even imaginary rule-breaking must have consequences. And for many, that means a good hard spanking on the bare bottom.

Many misinterpret the powerful urges of their own sexuality as
something bad, deviant or filthy. But in reality, your sexuality is a mental resource, as much an asset as your creativity, insight or concentration. The best erotic mentors are not motivated by their own gratification, but by a desire to teach others how to understand their own superpowers.

Your sexual energy is a fire, a means to transmute anxiety into pleasure. In a very personal act of alchemy…

The Naughty Well-Behaved

I find it delightful that those who were once so well-behaved are those who fantasise most about being naughty.

Simply because: it’s fun to be naughty.

It’s fun to fantasise about breaking the rules you’ve spent your entire life studiously obeying.

Especially when there’s someone strict to set the boundaries.

This respect for rules is often found in those who’d actually feel incredibly guilty should they ever be caught breaking actual laws, or transgressing social expectations.

But that powerful emotional response can be channelled into powerfully arousing urges. That’s exactly why a desire to be naughty is common theme in erotic fantasies, a psychological outlet for guilt that can be satisfied in private, in the safe, intimate playground of the bedroom.

We want to surround ourselves with nice people, good citizens with no desire to vandalise society or abuse others. So ‘misbehaviour’ for the well-behaved is about taboo breaking, invented little transgressions that damage nothing, yet demand physical punishment from trusted disciplinarians.

That’s why spanking fantasies are so popular. The naughty schoolgirl and her stern headmaster, the young lady and her strict governess, the brat sent her room, and dozens of other variations.

These are imaginary stories that satisfy a deep, psychological need to be punished, a context for the infliction of an enjoyable level of pain, in order to satisfy deeply private masochistic tendencies. 

So show me a good girl,

and I’ll lift her veil…

and show you someone

very naughty indeed…

It’s great to have fantasies, the trouble comes when you’re desperate for them to come true…

How do you talk to your crush?

How do you talk to your crush?

Wow, what a profound question.

It’s one many of us spend our adolescence wistfully asking ourselves,
and some, many years beyond. Scouring our psyches, as if searching for
the long-lost instruction manual to our minds, which might at last
provide the answers to our own tumultuous feelings.

As a writer on sexuality, I’m a great proponent of the value of
fantasies. But the trouble comes when the fantasy figure is a real
person, and you’re desperate for that fantasy to come true. So, this is what I know: you can not talk to your crush until you understand a fundamental aspect of your emotional self, and that is Limerence.

If you’ve never heard of it, read the entry on Wikipedia
now, then go back and read it again and see how many of the symptoms
you recognise. Seriously. It’s that important. Basic psychology like
this should be taught in schools.

Trembling, flushing, palpitations, fatigue. Awkwardness, stuttering,
shyness, confusion. Insomnia, loss of appetite. All the classic symptoms
of anxiety. Yet what are you being so anxious about?

A crush is an intense and (as yet) unreciprocated attraction. Some might even call it an infatuation.

The problem is, you’ve unilaterally decided that a particular individual is The One.
And now you want to talk to them. And you want them to like you too. That’s
putting a lot of pressure on yourself isn’t it? You might blow it, and
then The One might shun you. No wonder most people just fantasise
about their crushes from afar, unwilling to risk bursting the fragile
bubble of their dreams.

Yet you talk to people all the time. So
what’s stopping you from talking freely to this particular individual?
Limerence, that’s what.

So you can not talk to your crush until you
recognise, and master, your own limerence. And that means confronting a
fundamental home truth…

  • I have no right to another person’s affections

Write
it down as an affirmation. Pretend you’re in detention, spank your
bottom and write it out a hundred times if you have to. Until you’ve properly understood that you’ve no
right to expect the reaction you desire from someone else.

Once you
truly accept that, and stop thinking in terms of success or rejection, you’ll be less emotionally invested in the outcome of talking to this
individual. After all, your conversation with them should be natural, playful and
mutually enjoyable. It shouldn’t feel like you’re giving a speech
entitled “Why I’m the one for you”, live on national television.

The late brilliant Professor Randy Pausch liked to say that obstacles aren’t there to block you, they are tests to force you to prove yourself.

Crushes
are an important life lesson. They encourage us to master our own
emotions, but not to the extent we become cold and distant. A crush is
an essential rite of passage, an uncheatable test of your emotional
maturity.

To pass you must accept that The One is not
an object to be desired or a trophy to be won, but an emotional being
with feelings every bit as valid as yours. Someone to talk with,
not be talked to – only then can you truly connect.

Mastering limerence is the doorway. But those who persevere will find an incredible world of authentic love lies beyond.

Believe me, I know.

Adrenaline Rush

I know the secret

I know why spanking thrills you so

I can feel it thrum against my fingertips

When I put you across my knee

And grip your flailing hand behind your back

I feel the echoes of your racing heart

Pulsing as I hold your wrist

Kicking feet primed to fight or flight

Liquid fire surging through your veins

Until you pant in ragged gasps

Yet, you could be in the bath right now

Soaking in a cosy foamy dream

In some soft focus cartoon of femininity

But I know how your body really works

There’s a time for nice, and a time for pain

A delicious throbbing kind of sore

Where each smack adds more powder to the keg

And polishes your lips to a glistening sheen

A disciplinarian understands the rush’s power

A naughty girl is made to wait for what she deserves

Marinating in the hormone of shame and dread

Anxiously maturing like the finest wine

Already imagining the first whacks across your bum

A thundering heart making your whole body glow

Until, at last, I pull your panties down

To reveal your shimmering silver flow

A hot palm rests

Upon your quivering cheeks

I know your secret

How spanking really turns you on



As an aside, recent research indicates adrenaline is fundamental to the female sexual response. This might seem obvious to those of us with a kinky disposition, but the prevailing medical wisdom has long been that female arousal was best achieved by “turn on, tune in, chill out”. But this belief seems to be based on cultural assumptions rather than physiological evidence, crass generalisations that define femininity in terms of soft focus romance, candles and whispers.

But if that were true, kinky individuals would be having the worst sex in the world. Because almost everything we do seems to be designed to set the heart thumping. Anticipation and foreshadowing, tying up, sensory denial, the infliction of pain, anal penetration, shame and humiliation – these are all activities that make palms sweat and pulses race.

That’s why your partner’s panties are soaked when she’s spent the whole day thinking about the spanking you promised her. That’s why her tummy flips when you pin her down or cuff her hands behind her back, as you’re denying her primal urge to flight. That’s why she comes so hard after her bottom has spanked until it’s hot and pink, and it doesn’t matter if you spanked her, or she spanked herself.

That’s why even just the thought of good hard spanking makes her wet. And that’s why these stories even exist at all.

Now, bend over, young lady.

What Nice Men Don’t Say To Nice Women

  • I want to spank your bare bottom.
  • I want to tie you up.
  • I want to thoroughly inspect and penetrate your tight little bottom hole.
  • I want you to dress up in school uniform, and address me as Sir.
  • I want you to text me at random, and tell me you’ve been a naughty girl.
  • I want to promise you a spanking, and have you think about it all day long.
  • I want you to wear a butt plug when we go out to dinner.
  • I want you to go the ladies, take off your panties, and drop them in my lap.
  • I want to smack your bum pink, and you to thank me afterwards.

I recently wrote a post in response to a lady who wanted to be spanked by her man. It got me thinking – because it isn’t just ladies who can be reluctant to raise the introduction of spanking into a relationship, men have exactly the same problem too.  

Most men are fundamentally nice. That doesn’t mean meek milquetoasts desperate to agree and avoid awkwardness, it just means many blokes have encountered quite enough macho brutes in our lives, and we’ve no desire to come across as one ourselves. We consider ourselves our sweetheart’s protector, not her punisher – even if that thought secretly turns us on…

Emotionally aware men understand relationships require some conciliation, but that’s not what we fantasise about. Yet sometimes it feels easier to keep those desires hidden than reveal our darker secrets, for fear of rocking the boat. We worry about what are partner thinks, and we know we’ll spend far more time with her doing everyday things together than we’ll spend being intimate.

Look at the list that began this post. How does each sentence begin?

“I want…” – not “I’d like…”

Nice men are wary of expressing their wants, it makes us sound like demanding little boys. We’re grown up now, polite and civilised – so we phrase our desires in friendly, conciliatory language. We yearn to say “I want…” but it jars with the mask of niceness we’ve worn for as long as we can remember.

So we get into a routine of vanilla, uncontroversial sex; haunted by the shattering possibility of her horrified rejection of our perverted suggestions, and imagined conversations between her girlfriends afterwards.

“He wanted you to do WHAT???”

Their little group gasped in unison, a chorus of virtuous indignation.

“I know!” she sniffed, “It’s as if I hardly knew him!”

In many respects though, that’s absolutely true – your lover indeed barely knows you. Each of us are massive psychological icebergs, drifting through the turbulent ocean of life, with only the tiniest fraction of ourselves exposed to public scrutiny. And what is seen is carefully curated.

Yet what lies beneath is much more exciting, (I wrote a story about that once).

Jung called our hidden depths The Shadow, but it’s not a dark side, it’s our repository of secrets and thoughts we decide to keep to ourselves. We are
social creatures, and society functions because we have masks to wear
and roles to play.

As we grow up we learn to be discreet, deciding what
side of ourselves to present in public. But that’s ok, our culture might
unravel if everyone was suddenly completely candid with each other,
there’s nothing wrong with keeping certain thoughts and desires private.
 

I think all men will recognise this reticence about revealing our true desires, even if that modesty no longer restrains them. Some will have been bold enough to unmask themselves, in a way that is far more profound than simply removing their clothes. I hope all those who did found their relationships enriched.

If you’re yet to take this leap into the dark, and you want to, begin the conversation.

I chanced upon this terrific video from the wonderful modern philosophers at The School of Life:

Do watch it, and if it resonates with you, you might consider sharing it with your partner. Although the subject matter is profound, its cartoonish presentation should help keep any subsequent discussion light-hearted.

And then, when she asks:

“So, what does a nice man like you not say to a nice woman like me…?”

She is inviting you to be candid.

So tell her.

“I want to spank you. On your bare bottom…”

Secrets and Shadows

spankingtheatre:

image

What would be your reaction if you watched a mainstream movie with friends or family that contained a scene like this? Ostentatious delight or embarrassed chuckles?

Come to think of it, how many people know of your most cherished fantasies? Have you ever felt awkward about keeping them secret?

Here’s a passage that might get you thinking, by the great psychologist Carl Jung:

“I had a dream which both frightened and encouraged me. It was night in some unknown place, and I was making slow and painful headway against a mighty wind. Dense fog was flying along everywhere.

“I had my hands cupped around a tiny light which threatened to go out at any moment. Everything depended on my keeping the little light alive. Suddenly I had the feeling that something was coming up behind me. I looked back, and saw a gigantic black figure following me. But at the same moment I was conscious in spite of my terror, that I must keep my little light going through night and wind, regardless of the dangers.

“When I awoke I realized at once that the figure was my own shadow on the swirling mists, brought into being by the little light I was carrying. I knew too that this little light was my consciousness, the only light I have. Though infinitely small and fragile in comparison with the powers of darkness, it is still a light, my only light.”

– Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams and Reflections

Isn’t that first sentence intriguing? "I had a dream which both frightened and encouraged me.”

Even Jung was frightened and disturbed by his dreams sometimes. But he realised that every light casts a shadow, and we’re biologically wired to perceive shadows as dark. But it’s easy to forget about the beautiful, unique and wondrous light that cast the shadow – that’s You.

Keep reading

I’m writing a post that references this, making this an appropriate time to reblog it. If you’ve ever been troubled – or conflicted – by the fantasies you keep secret, I’d highly recommend it.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑