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Spanking Theatre

Spanking stories for the theatre between your ears

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I really love your stories– I like visualizing spankings. But, the interesting thing is, I’m not actually a fan of it in my real life sex life. Thoughts? xEM

That’s the great thing about fiction, you don’t need to love everything that goes on in make-believe. Murder mysteries, thrillers and spy novels are hugely popular genres, but in real life their readers would be horrified by the kind of violence those books regularly describe. And that’s fine.

Likewise, it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to act out every sexual fantasy that turns you on. I think we all agree, spankings in real-life should be between consenting adults only. Yet stories of non-consensual spankings can be hot. Just as stories of murder can be exciting.

Erotic fiction is just make-believe with fewer clothes. A medium where we give ourselves permission to imagine things that in real-life we might consider dark, shameful, transgressive or even painfully uncomfortable.

That’s why we have such powerful imaginations, why ever since the dawn of culture we’ve loved stories and bards. Never be embarrassed by what you project in the theatre between your ears.

I’m desperate to have someone who will instruct me to spank myself red and sore, any recommendations? Unless you yourself would like to take your hand to me? (I couldn’t dm you for some reason)

You’re not alone in your desperation, dear reader. I’m asked this question often enough that I’m sure I could run classes in self-spanking. I would be a very strict teacher.

Good, authentic disciplinarians are rare, and are consequently rather hard to find. So my advice is to begin by just talking to people.

You have at your fingertips an absolutely extraordinary technology – a modern magic that will let you connect to
anybody, anywhere in the world instantly. Yet most people only use “social media” to talk to people that we
know. So reach out, find others who are like-minded, and make friends.

Making friends is the important bit, get to know those you talk to, see if you enjoy interacting with them. If you’re going to submit to them, and spank yourself sore at their command, you’re going to need to trust them. You might get lucky and find yourself a great disciplinarian – but even if you don’t, you’ll have fun talking about spanking, and you might even make a few friends. Both are great outcomes.

I realise the search for a spanker can be frustrating, that’s why I created the self-spanking challenges, so those without disciplinarians could play, explore and experiment in the safety of their own homes.

So, I’d recommend trying the challenges, experiment and find out what you enjoy about spankings. And at the same time, start talking to others – you might discover a great spanker, you might even discover you don’t even need one. You never know where your journey might lead. Good luck!

Dear Spanking Guru , 1) Is it ok to spank on vulval region and breasts ? 2) Is it more pleasurable for a girl to be spanked during orgasm ? Thanks for your insightful guidance,

Yes, the vulva and the breasts can be spanked. Be aware some women like it, but some don’t. Some brief guidance:

  • Start by slapping slowly and gently.
  • Use palm or fingers, avoid harder implements until you’re both confident.
  • Ask your partner how it feels after every couple of smacks.
  • Get her to tell you if she wants it harder or softer, or there or not there.
  • Don’t spank hard until you’ve established what she likes and where, it’s different for everybody.

As for your second question, in my experience spanking does tend to intensify a climax. Try this:

  • Have her bend over and tell her to put a hand between her legs.
  • Tell her to start rubbing, and begin to slowly spank her.
  • Tell her she’s a naughty girl for masturbating.
  • Give her occasional encouraging spanks, wait for her to get close.
  • Tell her she’s not to climax without your permission.
  • Begin spanking her harder, until she begs for release.
  • Tell her to come hard as you spank her bottom quickly and firmly.
  • Continue spanking as the pleasure surges through her body.

You should find her orgasm is very intense indeed…

My girlfriend is really into spanking. Problem is, I have never done it before. Any tips for a first time spanker?

If your girlfriend is already into spanking, what you need to do is confront your own anxiety about impact play.

Many who’ve never spanked before are nervous about smacking their partner’s bottoms. It produces a loud noise that suggests it’s much more painful than it actually is. This can be intimidating, and make new spankers feel like they’re hurting or abusing their lover. But if the bottom wants it, nothing could be further from the truth. So stop thinking of spanking as “hitting” your lover, and start thinking of it as pleasuring her instead.

To begin, start by announcing your intentions. So it’s quite clear what’s going to happen. Being a spanker means taking control, and she’ll find that hot.

“I’m going to spank your bare bottom! Bend over my knee!”

Keep your composure. The little rituals of spanking might sound a little ridiculous at first, but remember – you’re playing. This is not serious. Spanking is just a game, just another kind of sexual fun.

“Pull down your panties!”

Tell your partner to bare her bottom. This will help demonstrate to you that she really does want you to spank her. Her consent will help allay your uncertainties  about slapping her bottom.

With the palm of your hand, begin spanking slowly and firmly. This will help you to aim your smacks, so they land in the correct place – which should be the lower half of each buttock, just above where it meets her thigh.

Concentrate on establishing a slow, steady rhythm, alternating between her cheeks. Don’t attempt to speed up or whack harder. Spankees enjoy the steady accumulation of the stinging sensation you impart.

“What a naughty girl!”

You don’t need to spank in silence. Throw in a bit of erotic admonishment, tell her how much she deserves what she’s getting, and how much she needs your strict hand.

Carry on spanking for a minute or two. Then stop and do something else. You can always resume spanking later if she does something to deserve it…

And that’s it. Once you’re used to spanking, you can try a few variations to spice things up, a bit of roleplay perhaps, using different implements or having her adopt different positions.

Don’t overthink things. Take control. Spank slowly and firmly. Talk and laugh. And have fun…

I have read most of your stories and really like them. I have been fascinated with the idea of spanking for almost 3 years now. The problem is it feels wrong and no one I know seems to feel like same way, so I only come on and read your stories late at night once everyone is in bed. I dream of the day when someone will take me over their knee for a spanking though. What kind of things can I do now when I am alone?

The first thing you should do is stop thinking that spanking is in any way wrong. I assume you’ve read what I’ve written on the subject of sexual confidence?

The next thing to do is accept that not everyone gets to act out their fantasies in real life – but that’s why erotica exists, and why our erotic imagination is so powerful. Get comfortable imagining your fantasies, and gaining satisfaction rather than shame from them. At some time in life you may well encounter someone else who shares your
kink. Aim to be a sexually confident, guilt-free individual for when
that happens. 

And if you want to experience the physical sensation of a smacked bottom, that’s why I created the Self-Spanking Challenges. You might want to read the Beginner’s Guide to Self-Spanking first. If it turns you on, smacking your bottom is just another form of masturbation. So experiment, and enjoy!

Me and my girlfriend have only been together for a few weeks and we’re already doing sexual things. Is this common in relationships? Especially since the both of us are teens.

Typically, the older you are, the less time it takes for a relationship to become sexual. That’s because sexual activity requires establishing comfort with your partner. The more experience you have, the easier comfort comes, even the partners have just met. This is why some folks have one-night stands, or begin sleeping with each other after only a few dates.

But if you’re younger and less experienced, I’d recommend taking your time. Escalate slowly and enjoy the journey. If, years from now, you can both look back on your early sexual experiences with deep fondness rather than regret, you’ll have helped establish a healthy attitude to sexual enjoyment.

And since you’re here, I assume some spanking will be involved. Start gently and playfully. And most important of all, laugh and have great fun…

Anxiety and Intimacy

An anonymous reader writes:

If my “question” confuses you, never fear for I’m not sure
what I’m about myself. First of all I shall admit there was a rather
unfortunate event that has left me so; I go around identifying as
asexual. Mainly because when I really think about participating in the
act of sex with a real human it produces a panic attack & certainly
no sort of pleasure… but there is nothing wrong with my body when it
comes to arousal & theoretically I long to be touched. Like I said
I’m just very confused.

Clearly if I am here, it is a safe assumption that I partake of your
content & it does to me as it was intended. Perhaps my query would
be better suited for a therapist’s couch than the inbox of a very
talented erotica writer… what is wrong with me?

Do you have any
suggestions on how I may determine the answer I seek? Exploration?
Experimentation?  In a world obsessed with sex I feel very on the
bleachers with a desire to join the game & yet I have a deep fear of another
broken ankle.


Thank you for your question, dear reader, and for having the courage to ask. I think many others will empathise with how you feel.

You mention the thought of sexual interaction with another prompts a panic reaction rather than a feeling of desire. So you feel the need to flee rather than the lust to chase. Yet you do still have a sexual interest. In the safe environment of erotic stories, you have found yourself being aroused. And you mention longing to be touched.

What you describe sounds like an extreme anxiety about intimacy, what a psychologist might call genophobia.

This is what the American Psychiatric Association has to say on the condition, I think you’ll recognise what you’re feeling:

Sex is an important aspect of the human condition, and genophobia can
have devastating impacts on those who experience it. Some people choose
to live asexual lives, finding meaning and fulfillment outside of
sexual experience. However, those who choose asexuality out of fear,
rather than clear-headed choice, often find themselves feeling
unfulfilled and lonely. Genophobia can also wreak havoc on romantic
relationships, particularly if your partner’s level of interest in sex
differs from your own.

Genophobia is often treated by sex
therapists, who are mental health professionals with advanced training
and certification in sexual matters. However, most cases of genophobia
can also be treated by traditional therapists without the additional
certification.

Battling genophobia is never easy. Many people feel shame
or embarrassment and are reluctant to share such a deeply personal
phobia. Yet treatment is generally successful, and the rewards are well
worth the difficult and often emotionally painful process.

Note the comment that some who self-identify as asexual do so out of fear,
rather than clear-headed choice, and so find themselves feeling
unfulfilled or lonely. If that rings true to you – I think your challenge is overcoming this phobia.

In which case, I would follow the advice above, and seek out a professional therapist, and begin talking. Phobias are always much easier to confront in the company of a trained professional.

On TV, you might have seen examples of people who’ve had paralysing phobias of snakes, spiders or heights. They are helped by a therapist who guides them along little progressive steps, starting with pictures, then handling rubber spiders, until finally they’re confident enough to allow a spider to walk across their hand. It sounds preposterous if you do suffer from a phobia, but it goes to show your same panic reaction to intimacy can be overcome.

Do not consider yourself somehow “wrong” or broken. You’re no more dysfunctional that someone who’s had a bad fall and is now afraid of heights. Fear is our bodyguard, it protects us, and keeps us safe. But sometimes our own mind’s guardian is too twitchy, too ready to rush us from the stage at the slightest sign of threat.

What you feel as fear, others feel as excitement. The stimulus is the same, only your own mind’s interpretation is different.

So my advice is to find a professional to help you, rather than experiment alone. It’s better to confront your fears in a managed environment. Real-world sexual encounters are often awkward, sometimes even ludicrously embarrassing. That’s just the way it is, be prepared for that.

But the struggle is worth it, the joy of sexual intimacy with other human beings is one of life’s greatest pleasures. I truly hope you’re able to master your fears and experience it for yourself.

Always Be Questioning

Once upon a time, you couldn’t stop asking questions.

Why is the sky blue? Why does this float and that sink? What do plants eat? How deep is the sea? Where does the sun go at night? The world was full of wonders, and there was a time we couldn’t wait to uncover its secrets. We were a curiosity cannon, unleashing a relentless barrage of hows, whys and whats.

And then, something changed. We started to become aware of the judgement of others. We stopped asking questions, beginning to worry more about what others would think of us. That our questions would actually reveal our own inner ignorance – that if we asked questions, others would think we were stupid.

But the truth is, the smartest folks I know are the ones who ask the most questions. And they’re often the simplest of questions too. Can you explain this to me? Why is this happening? Who benefits? What should we do?

Such people are smart because they’ve kept alive that youthful spirit of inquisitiveness. They just don’t care what others think. They’re too busy creating their own world, getting answers to the issues that matter to them.

Questions aren’t a sign of ignorance, but of insight. They’re a recognition that there’s a gap in our knowledge – and an opportunity to fill it.

Who hasn’t experienced sitting in a classroom where at the end of a lecture the teacher or speaker opens themselves to questions – only to be greeted with silence. Did everyone really understand it so perfectly?

To receive, we must ask, and raise our hands to request the information we need. Otherwise our destinies will be dictated to us, and you’ll find yourself living in a world shaped by the answers to other peoples’ questions.

As boosting sexual confidence has been a theme of this blog recently, throughout February I’m going to encourage you to ask more questions. And not just to me, try asking a question of anyone you follow and admire. If it’s very personal, you can ask anonymously and protect your privacy.

So, how can I help?

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