I am very sorry to hear you suffered such brutal abuse, and that this wretched experience has tainted an aspect of your sexuality that is obviously so important to you.

But your trauma was caused by an abusive partner, not your love of spanking.
All those who suffer sexual assault have a right to regain sexual pleasure.

Mental wounds heal slowly, so it’s fine to take your time. I assume you began reading this blog because of the stories, and I hope these provide a safe space to reconnect with your spanking desires.

Allow yourself to fall in love with your spanking fantasies again, and remind yourself just how good a spanking can feel. The Beginners Guide to Self-spanking might provide a helpful sequence of activities to experiment with the sensations of smacking and the emotional reactions they provoke. Try journaling, and writing down what you experience, it can be a private diary.

Once you re-establish your comfort and confidence, you should be ready to think about spanking play with another partner. You need to be able to trust them, and they need to respect your safe word limits. Just start slowly and build up to the intensity you crave.

Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy your journey back to the wonderful world of spanking…