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self-discipline

An Essay on Self-Forgiveness

An anonymous reader writes:

Thank you very much for pointing out the distinction between failing on
purpose and failing due to other responsibilities. I find I am so
wrapped up in the WHAT sometimes that I miss the WHY. I took your
advice, and spent my evening writing an essay. If you don’t mind, I
would like to take you up on your offer and share it with you.

Why I Need to be Punished

Guilt is a powerful force. While I do not know why we put ourselves
through it, I would guess it has to do with our evolution. We have
evolved to be social animals and feeling guilt (or sometimes even the
mere thought of it) helps curb selfish desires for the good of the
group. In this way, a negative feeling nets a positive result-
experiencing it can help someone grow. Such power also comes at a price. When left unresolved or internalized
for too long, guilt can become paralyzing. It can make someone spiral
down- and make them shrink.

In only 25 years I have managed to accumulate my fair share of guilt.
Some of it stems from small, harmless if not naughty gambits for a
reaction. On the other hand, over the years there has also been blatant
defiance- some truly bad behavior. These have been my choices- my
actions, my words. Left unaddressed, they have eaten away at me.

I grew up in a chaotic but loving household. There were few rules and
fewer consequences. We were encouraged to fail, to learn, and to move
on. I struggled with failure, but more importantly, I struggled with
moving on.

I find it all too easy to spiral into a cycle of self-criticism. Every
time I make a mistake it becomes another reason to stop trying and
stagnate.

That is no way to live. I need to move on. I needed
resolution. I craved punishment for my misdeeds.

I started looking up “spanking” in the dictionary when I was 12. The
internet eventually led me to self-spanking, and what a relief it was to
see it wasn’t just me who has the urge to smack my own bottom! As a
teen I began experimenting, and eventually found myself regulating my
guilt and then actions through spanking. I would write rules down in the
back of my school note books- like going to bed at a reasonable hour or
being nice to my sister, even when she was being annoying!

This was the
discipline I wasn’t getting. While some see rules as confining, I feel
just the opposite. Rules created with self-improvement in mind provide a
structure to thrive in- just like a tomato cage helps the plant to grow
tall and produce its best fruits, rules and discipline help me do the
same.

With discipline I can fail, and instead of spiralling downward I am caught by the
safety net that is punishment- specifically spanking.

The ritual of spanking (performed alone or with another’s help) is very
much a cleansing rite for me. When I am put in the corner and scolded my
transgressions are clearly defined. There is no doubt. When my bottom
is bared and raised it is an act of submission and an admission of
guilt. Each smack upon stinging smack serves to drive out the guilt until
only forgiveness is left.

I do not need to cry to feel this release- to forgive myself for my
transgressions. I rarely will when self-spanking. Writing this essay,
however, has me very close. I have never put to words any of my
reasoning- why I want to obey, why I set rules for myself or follow the
rules others set for me, why I self-spank. This is probably because
subconsciously I knew doing so has left me feeling vulnerable.

So thank you for suggesting I write this essay. I have a lot to think about.


Thank you, dear reader.

Essay writing can be a powerful reflective tool. An exercise in delving deep into your own mind, as you attempt to understand and explain the reasons you feel a certain way, and then grappling with the words that manage to express them.

I often set essays for those I discipline. I find they can be a highly effective means of education, especially when the student sits on her bare bottom, on a hard wooden chair, her sore cheeks still stinging from a spanking. And begins to write…

Your essay makes several very insightful points, on the power of
guilt and the necessity of self-forgiveness. Yet it is important these
strong feelings of self-criticism do not become self-loathing and
self-harm, and I feel the eroticisation of spanking helps temper these
strong emotions, a positive force preventing a drift to psychological
extremes. 

Like you say, you know the difference at the end. A spanking that is an act of self-forgiveness results in feelings of relief and positivity. Without that psychological lift, it is simply an act of physical self-harm, which would have only negative mental repercussions once the pain-induced endorphins wear off.

That’s why a good spanker always dispenses forgiveness, once the bottom is sore, the debt is paid. Misdemeanours never linger.

That’s why after a spanking, a naughty girl is a good girl again.

The Beginner’s Guide to Self-Spanking

This is a repost, the original post fell victim to Tumblr’s filters.

Self-spanking is a lot like masturbation. In private, many enjoy doing it. But you’ll rarely hear many people talking about it.

I’m often asked for advice on self-spanking
by readers who are intrigued by the experience, yet who feel awkward
spanking themselves. This is, I believe, because spanking is more than
just smacks on the bottom, it’s as much a mental experience as a
physical one. Engaging your imagination is the key to a satisfying
spanking, whether you’re alone or with a partner. So in this guide, I
hope to address the practicalities of self-spanking, and provide some
ideas for creating fulfilling and arousing playtimes.

First, let’s consider a question, asked by many, especially those yet to try it.


Why would anyone want to spank themselves?

My answer is that fundamentally, self-spanking is just another form of play.

Think
about it this way: vibrators stimulate nerves in the pussy, and
spankings stimulate nerves in the bottom. Whilst the sensations might be
different, impacts rather than rubbings and vibrations, they are
transmitted by exactly the same nerves: the Pudendal and the Perineal
nerves. When your brain receives signals from these nerves, it
interprets them as coming from the whole genital area. As a result, a
side-effect of spankings is the erotic sensation in the genitals, even
though those areas are not actually being touched.

The Pudendal
and the Perineal nerves are located in the lower parts of the buttocks,
near the anus and just above the tops of the thighs. That’s why this
‘sit-spot’ area is the favoured area for spanking, it’s where smacks are
felt most intensely and pleasurably.

Spankings can also, of
course, be painful; that’s why they’ve historically been a form of
punishment. Pain is your body’s early warning signal, alerting you to
the fact that your body is at risk of damage and injury. So normally,
our response to these sensations is aversion, to move away from what’s
causing the damage. Adrenaline surges through us, our heart races, our
minds concentrate. But if you’re over someone’s knee being spanked,
running away is no longer an option; you must instead grimace and bear
it.

When pain is unavoidable, our brains start to release natural
opiates called endorphins, which not only dull the pain signals
received, so they do not become overwhelming, but also produce a floaty
euphoric feeling. Our bodies have a limited stockpile of endorphins,
once they’re released it takes a while to replenish. Which is one of the
reasons why those with spanked bottoms are often sent to the corner: so
they get to feel the soreness and stinging they’ve received when the
fug of their endorphins wear off.

It is this combination of
arousing tingles in the genitals, adrenaline rushes and natural highs
that, when performed right, can make spankings so pleasurable. So if you
enjoy the sensation of a smacked bottom, there’s nothing wrong with
delivering that feeling to yourself.

Hence I consider
self-spanking a form of masturbation. I regard it as a form of self-love
rather than self-harm, a form of self-pleasuring rather than
self-mortification. Spanking is a complementary physical sensation to
the joys of genital rubbing, and as those who’ve experienced a spanking
already know, well-smacked bottoms tend to lead to the most intense
orgasms…

As a result, for many who enjoy spanking stories,
self-spanking is just a natural extension of how they masturbate, giving
them the chance to experience for themselves some of the physical
sensations they’ve just been reading about. After all, what else could
make story about submission any more erotic, than physically submitting
yourself to the story?

Yet it would be wrong to consider
self-spankings as an activity of last resort, an ersatz experience when
no spanker is nearby. On the contrary, it provides a way for readers to
play in the privacy of their own homes, to indulge their own fantasies,
without weirding out a partner or revealing what they’d rather keep to
themselves. It’s the same reason why many with regular sexual partners
still like to play with themselves.

Having explained why
self-spanking is popular, you might be getting curious, tempted to try
the experience for yourself. So the next section will explain some of
the basic practicalities for the benefit of beginners.


How to Get Started

Giving
yourself a spanking is as simple as reaching back and slapping your own
bottom. But there’s a few practical aspects worth considering that will
make the experience more intense, and enjoyable.  

The first is
choosing what you’ll spank yourself with, whilst you can use the palm of
your hand, you’ll achieve a far better sensation with a proper spanking
implement. This is because of science! Specifically, the mechanics of
levers – a spanking implement will multiply the force you apply to
yourself, giving a harder whack for the same effort. Using an implement
also means you’ll experience a single impact sensation, having your palm
sting at the same time as your bottom tends to break the spell of what
you’re imagining.

Good items to use for spanking can be found all
around the house. Try slippers, flip-flops, wooden rulers, hairbrushes,
wooden spoons, spatulas, and bath-brushes. Then if, once you get into
it, you want to get more serious about bottom smacking, you can add a
proper spanking paddle to your basket the next time you go sex toy
shopping.

If you’re not an experienced spankee you’ll quickly
discover some implements are more painful than others. Generally
speaking, the harder and heavier the material, the less forgiving it
will be. So sturdy hairbrushes will hurt more than light balsa wood
spatulas. Implements that flex, like flip-flops and slippers will be
more forgiving than rigid items like rulers and brushes.

The next
issue to consider is what position to adopt whilst spanking yourself.
For this, choose whatever you find most comfortable, or best fits the
fantasy you’re imagining. You might want to bend over a pile of pillows,
or the edge of a sofa, or straddle the corner of your bed.

Other
positions you might try are leaning against a wall, over the back of a
chair or a banister, of kneeling on cushions with your bum in the air.
The possibilities are too numerous to list, just choose one that
supports your own weight comfortably, and leaves your strongest arm free
to reach around to apply your chosen implement to your bottom.

The
position you choose will dictate the angle that you’ll spank yourself
from, usually reaching back and around. For a different sensation you
can try lying on your back and lifting your legs, allowing you to spank
in between them, this position is particularly good for smacking your
sit-spots, and enjoying the ‘shame’ of exposing yourself.

The
duration of your spanking is also up to you to decide, it will depend on
the implement you use and your own tolerance of pain. The key here is
to start small, and build up until you find the degree of soreness you
find most satisfying.

If you’re new to self-spanking, you might
like to choose a softer implement like a slipper, and give yourself a
single smack on each cheek, then pause and feel the warmth on your
bottom. Then spank again, maybe adding a couple more smacks before your
next pause. Perhaps when your bottom starts getting sore, you can take
break, imagine you’ve been sent to the corner, and stand facing the
wall, feeling cool air wafting over your hot cheeks. Then maybe your
imaginary disciplinarian decides your spanking wasn’t sufficient, and
your brattiness earns you a trip across their knee for seconds.

Once
you’re comfortable with the sensation of being spanked, try timing
yourself, so you can measure the duration of your spanking in minutes.

One
last consideration is privacy. Unlike masturbation, which you can do
virtually silently in your own bedroom, the noise of a spanking is
unavoidable. This shouldn’t be a problem if you live alone or with a
kinky partner, but otherwise you’ll be limiting your self-spankings to
times when you’re alone in your home.

So, that’s the physical
practicalities of self-spanking, now let’s consider the mental side, and
in particular, how do you make it erotic?



The Importance of Turning Yourself On

Here I’m going to introduce three ways how you might eroticise a self-spanking session.

The first is what I’d call Spank-As-You-Read, and is described in Naughty Game #6 – Naughty Reading.
This involves reading a spanking story, and imagining yourself as
somehow inside it, so when you read about spankings, you get to
experience them vicariously. The benefit here is the story is scripted
for you, it’s like a roller-coaster, you just buckle in and enjoy the
ride.

Perhaps you already masturbate when you read spanking
stories. Imagine if, instead of riding to orgasm, you put your fingers
of your weaker hand between your legs, and used your stronger hand to
rub your bottom with a slipper. Then, the rubs would soon turn into
spanks, and you’d begin to grind against your fingers. You’d smack
slowly, savouring the sound of the slap, the lingering sting.

Soon
you’ll be immersed in the story, your imagination engaged, can you
imagine you’re in it? Perhaps you’ll act out what you’re reading, speak
the dialogue aloud. A climax will be inevitable, but this one will be
different, you’ll end the tale with a delightfully warm bottom of your
own, and a head full of delicious thoughts.

The
second way to act out a fantasy of your own. This gives you the freedom
to improvise, and indulge the kind of activities that turn you on. There
is an art to getting into the right mindset for make-believe though, if
you find this difficult, you might want to warm yourself up with some
suitable erotica first, either visual or the written word.

Perhaps
you’ll imagine a favourite scenario, like reporting to the headmaster,
or being sent to bed early by Daddy. Or even to re-enact a spanking
picture of video you really enjoy. You might want to dress up for the
occasion, invent a bit of a back story, apologise or plead aloud when
it’s made clear your bare bottom is due for a whacking. Perhaps there
will be cornertime, writing of lines or a confession no one will ever
read. Just engage your imagination and invent a scene you’ve always
wanted to come true.

Here are the challenges I’ve posted so far. Enjoy your adventures…

Day 1 – The Fascination of Spanking

Day 2 – Choices and Consequences

Day 3 – Dressing Up

Day 4 – Anticipation

Day 5 – Cornertime

Day 6 – Alter Ego

Day 7 – Being Naughty

Day 8 – Bottom Inspection

Day 9 – Pillow Hump

Day 10 – Echoes

Day 11 – Christmas Story

Day 12 – Star in a Story

Day 13 – The Proper Way to Watch a Spanking Video

Day 14 – A Note From School

Day 15 – Fire and Ice

Day 16 – A Good Hard Caning

Day 17 – Rubber Band

Day 18 – Punishment Girdles

Sir I’d like to try the self spanking challenges but i find it hard to hold myself accountable to it. Any tips to help with that?

If you lack the self-discipline to be accountable to yourself, you will need to make yourself accountable to others.

The most public way is to post your intention on your blog, along with regular updates. A more private way is to inform a kinky friend or play partner, they don’t have to be dominant, you might even find they’re interested in exploring the sensations of self-spanking too.

But if you’re still struggling, send me a private message, and I’ll ensure you get a sore bottom for Christmas.

I did your panty pulling chair ‘game’ the other day. I added to it with some shibari and a ginger plug. It burned so good, and I touched myself, but I stopped myself before I could come. Do I deserve a spanking?

I’d say such meticulous planning and self-control deserves reward, rather than punishment.

Naughty girls shouldn’t be climaxing as their panties are pulled, can you ever imagine their disciplinarian permitting such indulgence? Of course not. Such a minx would definitely earn herself a long hard spanking, gaining a smarting pink cheeks to match the sore hot stripe between her legs. She’d be sent to bed with a towel tied to her crotch beneath her pyjamas, to keep her mischievous fingers at bay.

But those who demonstrate they can control themselves – they’d deserve a special treat afterwards. A cooling cream rubbed into their stripe as they slowly inspect themselves. Rubbing as they wiggle the plug that still fills their bottom. Slowly, slowly, slowly, rubbing all the way to the edge and beyond… 

I thought I’d share a punishment idea for anyone looking for a way to stop procrastinating. I’m going to pull my panties up high underneath my clothing in a minute and let them dig into my bottom and my clit. Then I’ll do my assignments and chores like that. I won’t take it out until I’m done. My hope is that it will stop me from procrastinating as well as help me get things done faster so I can take it out faster. If I fail then I will have earned a good spanking, of course.

An excellent remedy for procrastination, dear reader, one I use often.

I find The Pinch really does a wonderful job of focusing wandering minds.

The female anatomy seems tailor-made for panty-pulling. So many sensations from such a simple piece of fabric. The heat felt as it rubs against her bottom hole. The hot tight grip against her perineum, as unforgiving as a disciplinarian’s grasp. The intrusion inside her tender, sticky lips. And how her hard little clit throbs as the taut material teases with her every move.

Not to mention the lingering aching delight of the resulting red stripe. Young ladies who masturbate with a nice sore stripe seem to come very hard indeed.

An excellent disciplinary lesson, I quite agree.

Hi! I’m in a real need of a good spanking, but I’ve been having a lot of trouble punishing myself. I have a tendency to touch myself when thinking about it instead of actually doing it. Do you have any suggestions for getting over this? Thank you!

My preferred way of dealing with those who touch too readily is to shave them bare, and put them into a chastity belt. Nice and tight.

Not only does the chastity belt make touching physically impossible, but the miscreants also know they won’t be allowed to loosen their belt until after they’ve received a well-smacked bottom. 

Those who need a good spanking, but decide they’d actually rather play with themselves need a lesson in self-discipline. And in my experience, the chastity belt is an ideal tutor…

How to set up a whacking rod

A reader recently wrote in to say that they liked the self-administered whacking rod described in the story Carrot and Stick, but was having trouble picturing how it worked in practice, and asked for a diagram.

To recap, a whacking rod is thin springy rod that you can use to give yourself a good spanking. As their cross-section is much smaller, they’re much quieter and discreet than slippers and hairbrushes – an important consideration if you’ve family or housemates nearby.

You need a rod springy enough to place
against your bottom, which then can be pulled back and released to
deliver a hard enough whack. Fibre-glass is springier than rattan, so
better for self-spanking. Online sex toy companies sell good fibre-glass
canes and riding crops. But for a cheaper option, you can also buy
smooth round-section fibre-glass and carbon-fibre rods from well-stocked
craft and model shops. Try googling, you’ll see what’s sold. Various
diameters are available, the wider the rod, the stingier the whack will be. Why
not try before you buy, just pull the rod back a little and let it smack into
your palm.

Once you have your rod, find somewhere to position
it. You want to wedge one end of the rod into a little gap at just below
waist height, and perpendicular to the gap, so you can bend over in front of it. This is the arrangement described towards the end of Carrot and Stick.

And yes, thanks to your fellow readers’ generosity, I do have some pictures to illustrate good positioning. The first pair come from the marvellously ingenious @never-been-spanked, who demonstrates how to place a thin riding crop (available from most good adult stores) in the gap of a closet/cupboard door:

image

The
key is finding the right position for the rod, it should be wedged
tight and shouldn’t rattle. The best way to do this is to wrap the cane
with something like a flannel or a t-shirt, which will wedge it firmly in place. If
you’ve done it right, it should be virtually silent, with just a lovely
faint swicking sound when you pull it back and release it.

Once the rod is firmly held, then you can pull the rod back like this:

image

See how much it bends back?

Now all you need to do is bend over in front of the rod (imagine
yourself on the left hand side of the image above). Then reach behind,
pull the rod backwards, and let go… 

The gap between an interior door and the jamb (its frame) is also a good location.
If the rod is too thick to allow the door to close, you can always prop
the door with a heavy item like a chair so the door doesn’t move. As seen in the following picture, generously donated by @littlemisssubshine:

image

Here the leather frond of the crop
is poked through the crack of the open door, with the fatter handle placed in the crack between door and frame. The door can then be closed so the crop is jammed in position. As the door isn’t fully closed, she used some weights to hold the door
in place, so it would hold steady and keep the grip the crop. If you do adopt this method, be aware that door frames tend to be made of softer wood, so wedging something in the gap might leave a dent. To avoid this, best wrap the handle with a towel of something similar.

For best results, you should spend some time getting into the mood for your spanking, and imagine the circumstances of your punishment. Several
of my friends have related how they like to dress up in school uniform
and watch videos of classroom canings, before its time to take their own turn.
Bending over in front of their own cane, lifting their skirts and
pulling down their panties, feeling the cane resting against their bare
bottoms. Then pulling it back, letting go, and a moment later – feeling
the whack, and a stinging stripe across their cheeks.

I know many readers crave the satisfaction of a warm, stinging, well-smacked
bottom, but lack someone to give it to them. If you want to experiment with spanking, a whacking rod that you can conceal, and
quickly set up in the privacy of your own bedroom, might be just the
implement you need…

What are you waiting for?

Bend over.

I received a poor final grade. My grade is fine, but I could have done better. How should i punish myself?

I’m glad to hear you appreciate you could have done better. I set high standards, and I respect those who set the highest expectations for themselves.

Clearly, the most appropriate consequence of a disappointing grade would be A Note From School.

Write a note, perhaps describing where you fell short and how you could do better. Make it constructive, practical advice. Then you can put it in a sealed envelope and carry it about with you. A continuing reminder of your aspirations to do better.

And, of course, any student bringing home a note from school might very well expect a spanked bottom when they get home. Several spankings even. But I’m sure you’ll use your cornertime constructively, vowing to improve as you stand there with your pink cheeks on display…

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