Drop me a message and I’ll see how I can help.
You’re not alone, I hear of this awkwardness regularly.
My top tip is to think of self-spanking as just another kind of masturbation, but with smacks rather than strokes. That means engaging your main sexual organ (the one between your ears), and getting into the right mood before a single smack lands on your cheeks.
- Why are you being spanked?
- What’s the fantasy you’re imagining yourself part of?
- Who are you imagining spanking you?
Hear their voice in your mind. Imagine them telling you to pull down your panties.
The activities listed within the Guide to Self Spanking are intended to help readers construct and explore their own fantasies. Get good at that first, practice bending over, touching your toes or across a chair, or lying on your bed with a pile of pillows beneath your hips.
Before a self-spanking, boys should be hard, and girls soaking wet. If you’re not sufficiently aroused, you have more imagining to do. Read a story if you need to, that’s what they’re intended for.
Then, slowly, you can begin to add actual spanks to your fantasy. If you’re struggling to take the initiative, many have found the approach described in The Proper Way to Watch a Spanking Video very helpful. Namely, when someone on screen gets spanked, you get spanked too.
Self-spanking isn’t just about smacking your own bottom, it’s about creating your own immersive fantasies, with you safely in control. Do it right, and you’ll find you don’t even have to smack that hard.
Remember, the buttocks only appear to feel a spanking, where it’s really experienced is inside your head…
If I could spank every reader who needed it, I gladly would.
But life is busy and distances large.
Fortunately, you don’t need to have a disciplinarian to feel the warming sting of a well-smacked bottom. As you’re discovering, you can play in the privacy of your own home, at your own pace, to a fantasy of your own choosing.
If you’re inexperienced, it’s often better that way. If you’re going to ask another to inflict pain on you, it’s worth spending time developing trust first. A great spanker can be a source of tremendous satisfaction. If you’re self-sufficient, there’s no need to rush into bad relationships.
I hope the activities within the Guide to Self Spanking will continue to inspire, and help you explore the craving you find so fascinating.
The 15th instalment of the Self-Spanking Challenge! Newcomers can find previous challenges here.
Challenge – Day 15
Contrasting sensations can amplify each other. Pain and pleasure. Silence and noise. Hot and cold. You’ll be familiar with the hot ache of arousal, and the fiery stinging heat of a good hard spanking, so in this challenge you’re going to couple that warmth with a completely different sensation, the seasonally-appropriate, cool numbing chill of ice…
To begin, make some ice cubes. Put a tray into the fridge if you haven’t any ready, and wait for them to freeze. Then put them into a bowl of water, which will help take off the frost and melt away any sharp edges.
If you’re playing in your bedroom, put a towel or two on your bed to keep your covers dry.
The idea of this challenge is to alternate between spankings and ice play. For instance, you might begin by circling your breasts, watching as you make your nipples harden. Follow it up with a series of spanks to warm up your bottom.
Then lie down and nestle an ice cube in little dimple of your belly button. Your job is to make sure it doesn’t slide off. A test of your self-control as you feel the ice begin to melt, its cool water dribbling down your heated skin.
Follow this with another quick spanking. Extra hard if you let the ice cube slip.
Then try pulling down your panties and placing an ice cube in the gusset. Then slowly, pull your panties up. Where will you feel the chill nip of the ice? On your bottom hole, your perineum? Boys might feel it against their balls, or the base of the cock. Girls might feel it slip between their lips, or numbing the hot little bulb of their clit.
Pull your panties up until they’re tight and snug against your crotch, leave them in position for a minute, whilst the ice chills and melts, as you feel the trickle of meltwater soaking your panties, mingling with your own arousal. In effect, this a variation of Ups and Downs, where you’re pulling your underwear up and down until the ice is completely melted. And when the ice is gone it’s time for your spanking.
You may have your spanking on your cold wet panties, or you can take them off and have your bottom smacked bare. Either way, aim for a good thorough bottom warming.
When your bottom is hot and pink, get another ice cube to cool it down. To avoid numbing your fingers, you might want to hold the ice cube with a cloth or flannel. Trace the ice across your cheeks, paradoxically you may feel your bottom getting hotter, as the bitter cold is interpreted by the nerve endings in your skin as a burning sensation. You may feel the muscles of your vagina and anus involuntarily clench, hard…
What a hot day it’s been!
And tonight I plan to post a brand new story, so the temperature in your bedroom may get even hotter…
But what better time to play with some ice?
An anonymous reader writes:
Thank you very much for pointing out the distinction between failing on
purpose and failing due to other responsibilities. I find I am so
wrapped up in the WHAT sometimes that I miss the WHY. I took your
advice, and spent my evening writing an essay. If you don’t mind, I
would like to take you up on your offer and share it with you.
Why I Need to be Punished
Guilt is a powerful force. While I do not know why we put ourselves
through it, I would guess it has to do with our evolution. We have
evolved to be social animals and feeling guilt (or sometimes even the
mere thought of it) helps curb selfish desires for the good of the
group. In this way, a negative feeling nets a positive result-
experiencing it can help someone grow. Such power also comes at a price. When left unresolved or internalized
for too long, guilt can become paralyzing. It can make someone spiral
down- and make them shrink.
In only 25 years I have managed to accumulate my fair share of guilt.
Some of it stems from small, harmless if not naughty gambits for a
reaction. On the other hand, over the years there has also been blatant
defiance- some truly bad behavior. These have been my choices- my
actions, my words. Left unaddressed, they have eaten away at me.
I grew up in a chaotic but loving household. There were few rules and
fewer consequences. We were encouraged to fail, to learn, and to move
on. I struggled with failure, but more importantly, I struggled with
I find it all too easy to spiral into a cycle of self-criticism. Every
time I make a mistake it becomes another reason to stop trying and
That is no way to live. I need to move on. I needed
resolution. I craved punishment for my misdeeds.
I started looking up “spanking” in the dictionary when I was 12. The
internet eventually led me to self-spanking, and what a relief it was to
see it wasn’t just me who has the urge to smack my own bottom! As a
teen I began experimenting, and eventually found myself regulating my
guilt and then actions through spanking. I would write rules down in the
back of my school note books- like going to bed at a reasonable hour or
being nice to my sister, even when she was being annoying!
This was the
discipline I wasn’t getting. While some see rules as confining, I feel
just the opposite. Rules created with self-improvement in mind provide a
structure to thrive in- just like a tomato cage helps the plant to grow
tall and produce its best fruits, rules and discipline help me do the
With discipline I can fail, and instead of spiralling downward I am caught by the
safety net that is punishment- specifically spanking.
The ritual of spanking (performed alone or with another’s help) is very
much a cleansing rite for me. When I am put in the corner and scolded my
transgressions are clearly defined. There is no doubt. When my bottom
is bared and raised it is an act of submission and an admission of
guilt. Each smack upon stinging smack serves to drive out the guilt until
only forgiveness is left.
I do not need to cry to feel this release- to forgive myself for my
transgressions. I rarely will when self-spanking. Writing this essay,
however, has me very close. I have never put to words any of my
reasoning- why I want to obey, why I set rules for myself or follow the
rules others set for me, why I self-spank. This is probably because
subconsciously I knew doing so has left me feeling vulnerable.
So thank you for suggesting I write this essay. I have a lot to think about.
Thank you, dear reader.
Essay writing can be a powerful reflective tool. An exercise in delving deep into your own mind, as you attempt to understand and explain the reasons you feel a certain way, and then grappling with the words that manage to express them.
I often set essays for those I discipline. I find they can be a highly effective means of education, especially when the student sits on her bare bottom, on a hard wooden chair, her sore cheeks still stinging from a spanking. And begins to write…
Your essay makes several very insightful points, on the power of
guilt and the necessity of self-forgiveness. Yet it is important these
strong feelings of self-criticism do not become self-loathing and
self-harm, and I feel the eroticisation of spanking helps temper these
strong emotions, a positive force preventing a drift to psychological
Like you say, you know the difference at the end. A spanking that is an act of self-forgiveness results in feelings of relief and positivity. Without that psychological lift, it is simply an act of physical self-harm, which would have only negative mental repercussions once the pain-induced endorphins wear off.
That’s why a good spanker always dispenses forgiveness, once the bottom is sore, the debt is paid. Misdemeanours never linger.
That’s why after a spanking, a naughty girl is a good girl again.
There are actually several pussy spanking games here…
Imagine you’ve been sent to detention in a school where teachers are
no longer permitted to spank students, who must instead spank themselves
between their legs. Imagine what it would feel like to arrive at
detention and see a wooden ruler on the desk in front of you, knowing
what you had to do next.
Or maybe your pussy is being spanked because you’ve been caught masturbating. But first there’s the ritual of being shaved completely bare, before you are thoroughly inspected and wiped.
If you like those kind of fantasies, you might like to try the instructions in the original Pussy Spanking post.
Or perhaps you’d like to try something more adventurous, and make your own Punishment Girdle. They can be worn secretly underneath clothes, for surreptitious spanking delights.
You could even try some of the self-spanking games – but spank your pussy instead of smacking your bottom. You’ll find there’s lots of transferable ideas for roleplaying and various spanking activities in those posts.
Given the number of messages I receive yearning for hard stinging spankings, I think a spanking machine for solo play would be a very popular sex toy.
My hunch is that it would look something like this: a flexible rod with some means of attachment. But I was planning to write a short story on the subject of spanking machines, so I’ll save the exact details until then.
In the meantime, those craving a sore bottom might want to consider exploring this Guide to Self-Spanking.
The 19th instalment of the Self-Spanking Challenge! Newcomers can find previous challenges here.
Challenge – Day 19
The buttocks are well-suited for spanking, but smacks between the legs can also be very arousing.
As this area is much more sensitive, and easily hurt, so to prevent lasting damage, it’s important to learn where you can smack, the right choice of spanking implement, and how to judge the force of the impact appropriately.
1 Spanking Your Mound
The best area to start experimenting is the mons, the pubic mound. The layer of fat beneath the skin here means both stinging and impact sensations can be felt, just like those on the buttocks. To maximise your sensitivity, you may want to shave or wax your mound bare.
One implement you can try on your mound that’s often impractical for your buttocks is your own open palm. Undress so
you’re naked below the waist, and sit on a hard straight-backed chair.
Spread your legs as wide as possible, and then with your open palm,
smack your bare mound. Try to angle your hand so the fleshy areas at the base of your fingers are making contact, rather than your fingers themselves.
Add a nice stingy implement, like a ruler, slipper or a spatula, and you’ll be able to achieve all kinds of erotic
sensations, from little taps to breath-taking smacks. With no contortions
necessary. You can also extend your smacks to land on the upper thighs.
The key to a good mons spanking is to avoid hitting the clitoris, but to deliver impact sensations that will be felt deep within the clitoral body.
2 Spanking Your Slit
Once you’re familiar with spanking your mons, you might want to try smacking a bit lower. Just beware of hurting your clitoris. You might want to try putting a small sticking plaster over the hood to shield it, or even drape part of a towel over your lap to cover yourself, at
least until you’ve honed your accuracy and got used to the sting.
It’s worth using a softer implement when spanking your more sensitive parts. A palm is a good choice, but an implement with a small flexible surface area is even better. The leather flap of a crop is ideal if you have one, and a thin leather belt also works well.
Try spanking the outer labia first, and the area around the vaginal entrance. The perineum and the region around the bottom hole can also produce very pleasurable sensations if your implement can reach it. Lying on your back with your legs open can make this region easier to smack.
As you won’t be spanking so hard, the sensations you feel from each smack of your slit are likely to be stingy rather than impactful. There is no need to smack too hard chasing the same feeling you get from a bottom spanking.
Remember that a pussy spanking is as much a mental punishment as a
physical one, involving the delicious frisson of being put on display and being smacked on your most vulnerable area.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that pussy spankings should be shorter and much lighter than those you’d receive on your
bottom. Don’t hesitate to halt if it gets too sore, especially if you’re
being punished at the instruction of others.
Once you’re confident of where to spank your pussy, and how hard, you can incorporate it into your playtimes.
you’ve been sent to detention in a school where teachers are no longer
permitted to spank students, who must instead spank themselves between
their legs. Imagine what it would feel like to arrive at detention and
see a wooden ruler on the desk in front of you, knowing what you had to
Or perhaps your pussy is being spanked because you’ve been caught masturbating – in the dorms, or in the shower – or maybe you’ve even been caught with your fingers in your panties in class. And school rules are very clear on what happens to those caught touching themselves.
As with all good spankings, physical sensations feel so much better when your imagination is engaged too. Improvise a story, and let it transport you…
The 18th instalment of the Self-Spanking Challenge! Newcomers can find previous challenges here.
Challenge – Day 18
In the previous challenge, you explored the sensation of a rubber band snap. This challenge involves creating a punishment garment, which delivers an even more intense smack to where you desire it the most…
The goal of this challenge is to make a garment that you can wear beneath your clothes, and be used by yourself (or another) to deliver a quick smack whenever necessary. There are several ways to make it, as this post will describe.
Garment #1: The Rubber-Band Belt
To give you an idea of what this looks like, see this image. I won’t embed it here, Tumblr’s content filter considers it too explicit.
The image shows a ordinary belt worn around the waist, with a rubber band passed through it in two places. The wearer can then step into the belt and pull it up to their hips, just as they would with a pair of panties, and buckle it closed. The rubber band will now be tight against the wearer’s slit, running between their legs and up the crevices of their buttocks to the back of the belt.
Once in place, the rubber band can be twanged anywhere along its length. At the top to smack the wearer’s mound, or lower on her hood or lips. Or perhaps on her perineum or on her bottom hole – regions that are usually difficult to spank because of their inaccessibility. Smacks between the buttocks can be very arousing, especially when coupled with slaps on the bottom cheeks from a conventional implement like a brush or paddle.
Garment #2: The Elastic Thong
The belt and rubber band described above might leave you wanting something that delivers a more intense smack, but is also more discreet and easier to wear under your clothes. To achieve this, you might need to buy some waistband elastic from a dressmaking shop (it’s also easy to find online).
You want to cut the elastic into two pieces. One that will go comfortably around your waist, and one that will pass from your waist down between your legs and back up to the waist again. So you’ll want to measure yourself and mark the lengths you need to cut. Make the crotch length slightly shorter to make it tighter, if you want the smacks to be harder.
Then you can either sew the two lengths together, (or use safety-pins, or tie them). The waist length becomes a loop, whilst the crotch piece will be attached to the middle of the waist loop, at its front and back. The resulting garment will look like a thong, but made of elastic, and perfectly made to measure, making it perfect for wearing over your panties, so you’ll feel the band between your slit all day. Or under your panties. Or with no panties at all.
Then, when you need it, reach underneath yourself, select the point that will be smacked and tug back the elastic, and let go to produce a delightful smack. Or if you have a partner, wear it beneath a short skirt, which they can reach under and snap whenever you’re too bratty.
Option #3: The Elastic Girdle
Whilst the previous two options enabled smacks between the legs, they didn’t cover the buttocks. This design addresses that limitation, adding elastic that runs over the bottom cheeks, enabling a proper spanking to be delivered.
To modify the belt and band of garment 1, you could add a second belt, and pass both belts between the loops of the elastic bands. Position the bands at the middle of each belt, so they’ll be behind you and against your bottom when you put the belts on.
To modify the thong (garment 2), you’ll need to create a band that goes around your thighs, to which short vertical lengths of elastic can be sewn or pinned. The simplest design is a single band of elastic that goes around both thighs, but means you won’t be able to open your legs. For greater freedom of movement, create a couple of garter bands that are worn at mid-thigh, and into which you can sew the vertical straps of elastic that connect to the waistband.
Hopefully this post will have provided some ideas, particularly for those who enjoy sewing and costume making. If you’re proud of what you’ve created, and what to share your creativity, post it with the tag #selfspankingchallenge18.
And in the next challenge, we’ll explore ways of delivering an even more intense sensation between the legs…