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Spanking Theatre

Spanking stories for the theatre between your ears

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sexual confidence

Hello. Is it possible to find out whether a stranger is into spanking by just looking at them and observing their behaviour?

I don’t think so.

If you met me in real life you’d never guess what I get up to in the privacy of my own home. In public, I wear a completely different mask. 

If you want to know if someone likes spanking, just ask them. 

“Have you ever been spanked?”

And then…

“Did you like it?”

Having the sexual confidence to ask intimate questions when the mood is right is a very attractive trait to possess…

I never thought I would be able to experience what your stories describe. I always thought they would just stay fantasies… confined to my mind and nothing more. Surely not something I could recreate for myself in the privacy of my own home, to enjoy as fully as I can.

Isn’t it great that with just your own imagination you can find your
fantasy spanking school in your own bedroom?

The privacy of your own home is the perfect place to explore and build your own sexual confidence. An opportunity to dress up, and smack your own bottom. Or do the sit-down dance as your panties are pulled tight.

Stories can provide arousing new scenarios for your toys too, perhaps as a boarding school bedknob or a Regency era obedience stool.

These stories can provide the script, and you, the performance – in whatever way excites you the most. That’s always been my intention.

Have fun…

Me and my girlfriend have only been together for a few weeks and we’re already doing sexual things. Is this common in relationships? Especially since the both of us are teens.

Typically, the older you are, the less time it takes for a relationship to become sexual. That’s because sexual activity requires establishing comfort with your partner. The more experience you have, the easier comfort comes, even the partners have just met. This is why some folks have one-night stands, or begin sleeping with each other after only a few dates.

But if you’re younger and less experienced, I’d recommend taking your time. Escalate slowly and enjoy the journey. If, years from now, you can both look back on your early sexual experiences with deep fondness rather than regret, you’ll have helped establish a healthy attitude to sexual enjoyment.

And since you’re here, I assume some spanking will be involved. Start gently and playfully. And most important of all, laugh and have great fun…

Always Be Questioning

Once upon a time, you couldn’t stop asking questions.

Why is the sky blue? Why does this float and that sink? What do plants eat? How deep is the sea? Where does the sun go at night? The world was full of wonders, and there was a time we couldn’t wait to uncover its secrets. We were a curiosity cannon, unleashing a relentless barrage of hows, whys and whats.

And then, something changed. We started to become aware of the judgement of others. We stopped asking questions, beginning to worry more about what others would think of us. That our questions would actually reveal our own inner ignorance – that if we asked questions, others would think we were stupid.

But the truth is, the smartest folks I know are the ones who ask the most questions. And they’re often the simplest of questions too. Can you explain this to me? Why is this happening? Who benefits? What should we do?

Such people are smart because they’ve kept alive that youthful spirit of inquisitiveness. They just don’t care what others think. They’re too busy creating their own world, getting answers to the issues that matter to them.

Questions aren’t a sign of ignorance, but of insight. They’re a recognition that there’s a gap in our knowledge – and an opportunity to fill it.

Who hasn’t experienced sitting in a classroom where at the end of a lecture the teacher or speaker opens themselves to questions – only to be greeted with silence. Did everyone really understand it so perfectly?

To receive, we must ask, and raise our hands to request the information we need. Otherwise our destinies will be dictated to us, and you’ll find yourself living in a world shaped by the answers to other peoples’ questions.

As boosting sexual confidence has been a theme of this blog recently, throughout February I’m going to encourage you to ask more questions. And not just to me, try asking a question of anyone you follow and admire. If it’s very personal, you can ask anonymously and protect your privacy.

So, how can I help?

Hi, I love your blog and I enjoyed your last post about sexual confidence… I have an incredible shame of my kinks, to the point I cry when thinking about them and can’t talk about them at all. I’ve even troubles confessing them to myself. Once I found a girl with the same interests and confessed my kinks to her, but now our friendship is not sane anymore and I’m afraid to end it because she knows my secret… do you have any suggestions? I’m desperate. Thanks in advance

I’m very sorry to hear that your kinky side is currently bringing you such sorrow, rather than joy.

But you are certainly not alone. All across the world there are people whose upbringing and social taboos have made them deeply ashamed of who they are, and how they feel.

What you’re experiencing now is no different to what generations of gay people  felt before coming out. That crushing sense of shame, a feeling of somehow being all wrong. Human beings are social animals, in the past, being cast out from the tribe could have been a lethal consequence of not fitting in. So we’re mentally wired to feel a deep unease when we don’t conform.

Being kinky, like being gay, is simply a sexual preference – albeit one that goes against the mainstream hetero-normal view of what sex “should be”. 

In 2017, no right-minded person would think of shaming someone for being gay. Society is more accepting of different sexual preferences now. Your challenge is to become more accepting of yourself – to build up your own esteem, to come to understand that your kinks make you unique and deeply interesting, not weird and dirty.

Please don’t develop an anxiety about people “knowing your secret”. I know people can be malicious, and sometimes what’s said or done in the bedroom can be used to bully and humiliate. But as I wrote in the post on sexual confidence, it’s an important life skill to learn to dismiss shamers and bullies.

“It’s a grown-up thing, man. You wouldn’t understand…”

It might also help to remember this number: 125 million.

125,000,000. That’s the number of copies Fifty Shades of Grey has sold around the world. That’s not just the number of people who’ve glanced at it and thought it was interesting. That’s the number who’ve actually paid for it.

Repeat after me.

Kink is cool. If you believe kink is cool.

Kink is cool, because kink is cool.

Unexplored Blank Spaces

I wrote the story Inevitable with an almost philosophical question in mind: would we want our inner sexual desires fulfilled, even if we didn’t quite consciously know what they really were?

In the story, there’s no questionnaires – partly because the Sexcapade institution doesn’t trust its clients to answer honestly, and partly because it doesn’t believe its clients actually know what they want. So like any good scientist, the orchestrating AI forms hypotheses, puts them to the test, and observes the results as the clients play.

I think we’re all like old maps, with familiar territories of experience, strange hinterlands and unexplored blank spaces of desire and fantasy. And we know somewhere, There Be Dragons. It might take a lifetime to explore.

As we accumulate more sexual confidence we begin to voyage to these far-flung lands. Perhaps these stories encourage your explorations, like a glossy coffee-table book of exotic foreign realms.

I wonder, where’s the next blank space on your erotic map you plan to explore?

Sexual Confidence

image

Sexual interactions require a special kind of
confidence, because what you’re revealing about yourself is so personal
and intimate. When you talk about sex face-to-face, or engage in sexual
activity, you’re putting entire package of who you are on the line.
That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.

Then you start worrying – what if this comes across as weird? What if I seem like a slut – or a pervert?

From an early age, the adjectives we’re taught to associate with sex are negative: slutty, naughty, seedy, filthy, dirty. So is
it any wonder that when we experience sexual self-doubt, the
associations that spring to mind are shameful and embarrassing ones?

That’s
despite the fact we know the terminology that we should associate with
sex is pleasurable, erotic, joyful and adventurous. But old habits die
hard.

The problem is that for most of us, sexuality is learned in private, furtively and embarrassingly, without a teacher. As
a result, you find yourself asking: am I doing this right? Is this
deviant? This feels good but is it too weird? 

With little guidance
from anyone else, most people make it up as they go along, learning what they can from giggling friends, the illicit world of porn and erotica,
or some unsatisfying and uncomfortable sexual encounters.

I’ve often
wondered how sexuality would be different if everyone had a private
sexual tutor during their teenage years, someone to explain, instruct
and correct. How our sex lives might have turned out if everyone was
instilled with a bit more confidence earlier on. It’s actually quite a
good idea for a story I think. But it’s never too late to learn those
lessons…

Some people are lucky enough to have such tutors, of
course. They’re the ones who enter into healthy sexual relationships,
and get to learn about their sexuality by interacting with others,
without shame or judgement. They’re the ones with the sexual confidence others envy, the ones who make life seem so effortless and cool.

Of
course, most of us aren’t that fortunate. But most people don’t have a
personal trainer either, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get themselves
fit. You just have to get into training, and take responsibility for
building up your own sexual confidence.

Sexual confidence is the
remedy to any embarrassment you feel. Learn to talk casually about love
and sex. Imagine a persona for yourself: a cool open-minded adult. Then,
in sexual situations, ask yourself: how would they act? What would they
do?

Begin to consider every sexual situation as a training
opportunity. After all (and this might seem counter-intuitive) most of
the time we interact with others sexually, we do so fully clothed.

  • Explicit scene in a movie? Don’t giggle, nod approvingly.
  • Someone is flirting with you? Tease back.
  • See a couple fondling at a party? Rather than frowning at their brazenness, smile at their adventurousness.
  • See someone topless? Ignore them, because it’s literally no big deal.
  • Conversation with friends veers onto sex? Be forthright. Talk like an adult, not an adolescent.
  • Witness something sexually inappropriate? Never be too embarrassed to stand up for yourself or others.
  • People talk disapprovingly about others’ sexual encounters? Call them for being uptight, ask them why they’re slut-shaming.

Always
remember: sex is natural, everyone has fantasies and almost everyone
masturbates.

As for the kinky stuff – remember, spanking is probably humanity’s most popular fetish; half
the world’s population loves spanking; the other half just haven’t
really tried it yet.

So if you’re in “polite company” and talking about
sex, consider yourself to have a licence to say whatever you want. Don’t
become part of the conspiracy of shame that perpetuates sexual
embarrassment by sneering, giggling and humiliating. Learn to recognise the sexual
insecurity of others, and if they ever attempt to shame you, be prepared
for it, point out their childishness and treat it dismissively.

When dealing with sexual situations, erotic stories can be your teacher. Borrow
from them if you need to, imagine you’re a character like Alice or Penny
– two strong personalities who, whilst submissive, are also supremely sexually
confident too. Or consider how the relationship between the characters in Coming of Age grows by being flirtatiously sexual.

Sexual confidence is like any other form of
confidence, academic or sporting. You just need to work on it,
progressively and continually. With time, you’ll feel your attitude to
sexual situations begin to change, from immature giggling and embarrassment to
the self-assured, opinionated outlook you’d expect from a sexually
mature adult.

But being here means you’ve already started; so welcome on your journey.

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